It is one in the morning.

It is the time when Darkness complements Fear perfectly. Their entities intertwine, leaving you somewhat befuddled at the intimacy in which they conduct themselves in the other's presence. It is the time of day when the cars are silent, a dirigible or two roars its way down the gravel road, and you hear the clink of car keys jangling. You get raucous, wild music blasting from stereos as the vehicles whizz by, more often than not an ostentatious display of the conscious knowledge of the trends in today's society.

I look out the window, and the world is painted black. Shadows, previously docile, seem to spring out at one, lurking in the corners, always waiting. Intimidating others with the monstrous heights and dizzying lows it scales in proportion to light. A dim light flickers in the corner, dying. I tread carefully, though I know the floorboards can't possibly snap in two. Yet somewhere in the back of mind, ruminations nag at me. Anything's possible, you know. Anything's possible.

I plod out for a glass of water, then stop short in my tracku,s as I spy a door slightly ajar. The room is unlit, yet shadows stretch the length of the room. A part of me longs to push the door open, to unlock the mysteries that lie within, yet a part of me is afraid. Afraid of what may lie within. I turn, and for a split second, the liquid that runs its course through my veins freezes as the gate creaks open. This unearthly hour plays host to unusual happenings.

And then I see my brother, smiling, laughing, talking to his special someone on his cell phone, and sigh, one of relief.

Ah well. That was totally random, I assure you, but it's sort of how I feel when I traverse the corridors of my house to get stuff at night.

Hmm, I shall round up my day. Lessons in school, monotony. Integrated subject, Comparative Economics. Mr Dumortier isn't a bad teacher, actually, and I might just want to take Econs. Pretty interesting, hope I do well. Nothing much after that, had MEP, supposedly there's a trip to Vienna in June but I definitely can't make it 'cos of the UK trip. Hmm. Okay and after that. I go for the Student Council Briefing. Am sworn to secrecy, so can't divulge any details here, but let's just say I was shell-shocked. After the elections and hoo-ha are over I might spill the beans, but I can't for now. Just know that it wasn't what I expected.

I need sleep. Badly. The Sandman's tugging at the corners of my eyes. Sigh. Will have to be on my best behaviour the next week or so because of the elections. Bah no more, ain't saying no more, any more and the lot will come gushing forth from my lips.

And the rime of the ancient mariner is somewhat confusing, disturbing to a certain extent.

I still have MEP homework. I don't know why I'm blogging about random events/mundane events but my ring finger hurts and maybe that's why my brain is intepreting the signals and has psychologically barred my nerves from transmitting the message that I would like to blog more, preferably about some Philosophical debate again. Hmm. Another time, if I have time.

Sigh.

Pray for me, please? I'm going to need lots of that for the next week.

I need to persevere.

Kerry.

the magic bean buyer fell apart at 1:03 AM.

That's it. She isn't appreciating him.

Of all people she has to date him and yet she doesn't treasure this gem of a guy she's procured. I mean, look at that adorable face? This sounds asinine I know, but it just takes one turn of his head to make me want to sweep him into an embrace and hug all the hurt away. In that split second I just felt so sorry for him, for what he had to go through. And then I thought, if I were there and heard his story, I'd hug him. A fleeting thought, is it just the hormones taking control of my emotions, or what? Maybe it's just sympathy that he was once an American POW stranded in Iraq, brutally beaten by his unforgiving captors. He was once one of those names I saw in bold black print in the Straits Times two years back. I stared into the faces of those desolate, hopeless souls, each imploring the reader to rescue him. While I could barely even come close to imagining their terror and agony, I prayed for them. Long and hard, night by night, I prayed for their safe return. I thought of all the families that so anxiously and eagerly awaited these men who had given their lives to their country, and expected nothing in return, for serving the country was an honour in itself. They would die for their country any time, a level of patroism I truly admired. Even I'd find it difficult to say I'd give my life up for the country if called upon.

That's something I call true courage. Now, I know true courage the television series has been blabbered about and waxed lyrical on for the longest time already, but their heroics were the bona fide essence of valour. Such an admirable quality.

Anyway, I know I've sidetracked, AGAIN. His name's Ronald Young, he's on the seventh season of The Amazing Race, which's currently airing, and he's got real rosy baby cheeks I'd love to pinch. There's something about the way he looks at the camera, it's got that feel of Anthony Federov, Keanu Reeves and Clay Aiken all in one. That X-factor. Yeah, he may be a bit of a disoriented ex-POW, but he's adorable all right. Well, he may not have attained that height of celebrity status yet, but there's no telling. Reality shows like the Amazing Race do amazing things to people. Pardon the pun.

Well, even if the Amazing Race catapults a pair to ephemeral fame, nothing beats Survivor, second only to American Idol, which by far is a more rewarding competition and no less gruelling than Survivor. So it makes sense to try out for American Idol instead, because all you have to do is sing. Ah, shan't go into details. It's half past eleven at night now and I really should be going off to sleep soon.

Anyhow, to expand on the Ron topic, I read somewhere on the Television Without Pity forums that they'd broken up. Gosh, I sure hope she didn't ditch him or whatever. He's probably had his heart broken more than once, for his country and now the love of his life. How much more can he take? Well, I guess it'll be nice to watch them on TAR with the knowledge that they've parted ways, watch them together, running the last race of their lives together. Hm, this paragraph reeks of melodrama. Skip it if you think so too. Heh.

Darn it, Kelly, appreciate him a bit more and quit mistreating him! It isn't often these sort of guys come around and accompany you on the Amazing Race!

( I must be hyper, or I wouldn't have gone on randomly about some couple from TAR.)

Great, now my brother just has to come offend me at what, 11.43 PM at night. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but can I just say I HATE him now. I hate that look on his face when he smugly announces that he will tell my parents I've stayed up late. Like, excuse me mister, do I look as if I care? I'll be accountable for my own actions. I'm going to pen a note to my parents, which will be unnecessary I think because they know I normally sleep around this time anyway. If I wasn't so confined to being courteous I would have just told him to get lost and out of my sight.

Oh dear Lord help me to tolerate my siblings.

Kerry

the magic bean buyer fell apart at 10:51 PM.

I don't even know where to begin. Perhaps it comes with not posting for an extended period of time. Well, while I try to organize my disjointed thoughts into a meaningful weblog post, I'll leave you with 10 things that've I've experienced in between the previous blog entry and this one.

1. Anger - trying to control it. I won't mention names, but a figure of authority has been sawing at my nerve endings. One day if IT goes overboard I may just throw caution to the wind and rant at IT. I have taken to calling the person IT because I don't know the demographic readership of this weblog. For all you know, the PM could be tracking this weblog. Never mind. More anti-PAP slogans shall follow. I think I shall set up my own political party when I grow up, in the name of opposing the PAP. Not that I harbour political aspirations, but it'd be nice to see the Parliament speechless for a change. For one thing, I absolutely detest it when people write in to the forum, querulously importuning the government to change this and that, and backing up their claims, and the government just offers them some reply that sounds oh-so-cordial and diplomatically correct. Those uhm, figures of authority try to appease the masses, but their replies reek of unjustness. Trust me, if anyone wants to see the whole list of the PAP's foibles, and this essay of-sorts about Singapore hiding behind a facade of democracy, I'd be more than happy to show you.

I have sidetracked, I know.

2. Survived a barrage of tests, which were none too pleasing to the senses.

3. Spent mornings doing electives (reading, and nothing else, what do you expect from short story appreciation) and the rest of the school day idling around, trying to be productive.

4. Rushed out quite a few files.

5. Stared out the window and wondered about CCH for the umpteenth time.

6. Wondered about the fragility of friendships, and the sensitivity of some.

7. Divulged a secret I'd never told before.

8. Puzzled over A maths and offered a billion-to-one odds on my majoring in mathematics in University after attending some weirdo talk from some NIE professor.

9. Been horrified at the inhumane acts some people in SOME parts of the world can do to animals. I.e hacking their paws off. Shan't go into details.

10. Developed a whole new appreciation for being able to converse in coffee-shop slang, i.e kopi and teh-tarik and the like. A reminder to self - No, tea with milk with ice is not "teh tarik, you3 bing1 de4 (mandarin)" but just TEH BING. ack.

Horrid. Heh, but overall it's been a good week.

Congrats to the JC3(lol) people for their stellar results! 'Coz we get a half day as a result of your hard work! Thanks so much! Yea, that sounds enthusiastic enough.

Oh well. I want to change my blog template. Ah, for technology.

Hmm oh yeah, I remember the house function yesterday. It was alright I suppose, theme - Masquerade but no one cared to don their masks. Or at least none that I saw of. Mass dances were fun enough but I seriously do need someone to teach me the dances. And soon, because I don't want to be embarassed in front of the seniors again. Such ignominy when they turn around and see us flailing our limbs wildly 'coz we aren't sure of the steps. Sheesh. Dancing in the moonlight, literally.

I think I shall go work on a short story now. Hopefully the frequency of my blog posts will be upped. :)


Kerry

the magic bean buyer fell apart at 12:15 PM.

One of my rare posts, mark it down in the history books! Hmmm, am watchin' American Idol now, and so far, the competition's been mind-blowingly good. I mean, you can actually HEAR the potential in every voice regardless of how nervous they are. I'm actually kind of glad I don't live in the US now 'cos I'd have a real hard time deciding how to vote. The girls're performing first. Can't wait for the guys to perform. There's Anthony and Constantine! Truth be told, I only noticed Constatine 'cos I was raving about Constantine (the movie) and well his name's unique! Yeah, and Anthony for obvious reasons. Well maybe not obvious, but I suppose it touches everyone. The fact that he survived trachmydia is such a marvel in itself. Not just his surviving the deadly disease, but his voice - it almost seems as though God meant for him to sing. God has his divine purposes, we'll see.

Yes yes, shall stop meandering on about American Idol, I could go on forever. I could go on forever about God's love too. Heh, but it's going to take an impossibly long weblog post to cover the former, the latter can't even be expressed in words. Point is - God loves you. That's all you have to know.

Took the Big5 Personality Test today. Am I surprised at the results? Well, some of it. For a start, I never thought of myself as superior to others, I'm pretty much in the middle, not humble to a fault - because I don't believe in humility down to the extent of being self-deprecating, but on the other hand, not swell-headed, because no matter if you're some Nobel Prize Winner, there'll always be someone out there better than you. Strangely enough, even though I put my opinion as 'Neutral' at the question "Honestly speaking, do you think of yourself as superior" - or something to that effect. I am quite certain I didn't agree with that statement, that is, I didn't say I was superior 'cos I don't think so. Sheesh. Maybe the test is screwed. I think they got the stuff right only 60 percent of the time. Those statistics aren't the best, considering we paid a hefty 80 bucks for the test. Argh. That was before the school kindly subsidized half of it. Oh yes - trivia from the test - I have to consume complex carbohydrates and fats to be at peak performance or whatever it is. Wow. So dietary information is included. For eighty bucks.. still not worth it. Consulting a nutritionist probably gives you better value.

Oh yeah, another interesting bit about teachers. Even our physics teacher endorses BGRs! Though it's not in a way you might term positive. Not sure actually.

Woonyee and Mr Cheng were online having a conversation. It started off innocently enough with

"were you all having chem remedial today?"

and progressed to,

"I've seen a lot of couples recently (referring to IP). You know, relationships may not necessarily be a bad thing at this age, but it all depends on how mature you are. 'Cos at this age, the hormones control everything" - something to that effect.

And then he went on about some Korean actress committing suicide. Oh my gosh.

Mr Cheng is a funny guy. But a good teacher! haha. Physics has, at the very least, become more interesting.

On another note, I've about completed all the homework due except the Science individual assignment thing which I have absolutely no clue as to how to do. This is absurd.

Diversion again. I'm failing to stay on topic. Basically because of the telly! It's so distracting I just type something about whatever I see on the screen. Just saw this commercial on the Amazing Race 7. Like gosh, the majority of the hype is because ROB and AMBER the survivor sweethearts (am so sick of the phrase) are racing! Like, so what? They're just any couple, them having been on survivor doesn't make them any different. And the Amazing Race hasn't been rigged (in my knowledge) so far. Hopefully the season will not expose the Amazing Race's riggedness (if there's such a word), if the show is rigged. Never mind, I seriously am going off on another train of thought now. Pull me in!

Great watching ER now and the screen's like so dead silent you can just about sense something's going to happen.

Hmm. Electives week is coming soon. That's good news, 'cos short story appreciation's fun! Heh. And they just announced the list of Integrated Subjects today. Argh not much choice, am torn between Art and Architecture (the only other decent one to me) and Comparative Economics, which I really wanna do. Oh sigh. Horrible subjects. But I like economics. Hah.

Bah. A plethora of tests next week. Have to mug over the weekend.

Meeeeeooowwwww. Melissa, if you see this. Meeow.

And I miss CCH. The pain's lessened with time, but now and then it returns, and I find myself smiling now at the stupid things we used to do in Secondary school. Oh well. JC lfe's fun if not stressful, and I thank God I have a bunch of fantastic friends to stick it out with!

:) Oh man, this post has been so inane I can't describe it. Tlll the next time I have enough time to blog, god bless!

Kerry

the magic bean buyer fell apart at 10:26 PM.

I apologize if this post seems way overdue; I've been just so unbelievably busy these past few weeks, talk of the hectic Junior College life. Well, things have pretty much settled down around here. I've made a whole bunch of friends, fantastic ones, and encountered teachers... um, maybe we can touch on the teachers another time. Heh. Oh well I suppose they're generally nice with the exception of a notable few. Still, as much as I love my present school, every so often my wanderlust mind drifts back to the times I had as a innocent (well, maybe not) secondary student clad in a military-style uniform complete with archaic chinese metal buttons and all. The days when I donned the white of Chung Cheng High. Just thinking back, the route through that convoluted mess of lower secondary life was far from easy. It was tough even fitting in, with the lingua franca being chinese and the dominance of Singlish over proper English, which I'd be accustomed to in my Convent primary school. I had such a hard time adjusting to these radical changes in my life, which was then racked by my raging hormones and self-realization, that I remember I flunked my first few tests with flying colours. I didn't do particularly well in English either, so I suppose I didn't make much of an impression on anyone. I was just there - the sore thumb, the 'misfit' in a sense, the English-speaking bookish bespectacled kid who never flouted the sartorial rules and adhered strictly to school policies.

It was better in secondary two, well kind of. I opened up a little more, got to know people a little better, and started on a course of self-discovery. I discovered things I never knew about myself, both positive and negative traits, and I languished every so often in the respite of my memories of my primary school, hoping to be sucked back into that timeless period of puerile ignorance, when I could feign ignorance even if I knew what was going on (as kids normally do - I read somewhere that kids can usually sense the truth long before they are told - how true), and no one would smell a rat. Those days I found myself reading more into things than I should have. I'd think long and hard about the events of any given day, and I was emotionally vulnerable, in a sense. I'd fret over the slightest things, right down to English punctuation, and get paranoid. Thankfully, I had the company of my friends, who taught me right from wrong, and gave me wake-up calls as and when I needed them. Without them, I don't think I'd have been where I am today. They have been fantastic, and still are. I thank the Lord daily for them. Every one of them, whether I've liked them or not. In some way or another, they've left their footprints on my life.

I got through lower secondary life. The road was far from easy, but I made it. Turbulence and tumultuousness aside, it was a year in which the twin peaks of Joy and Sorrow hit me like bullet trains at full speed. I wisened up a lot more, especially towards the end of the year. I started liking Philosophy - incidentally, I'm doing Philosophy in school ntsow, should be interesting :) - and ruminated ever so often about the fallacies of life. I turned to God, and grew closer to Him. I led non-believers to Him, something that I'm extremely happy about and will continue to do. The year of 2004 just whizzed by. 2003 was draggy with the spectre of SARS looming and the economy taking a nosedive, 2004 flew. It mounted itself on eagles' wings and took to the skies. Sure, the tsunami hit everyone hard, it could be considered a global tragedy, but it hardly dampened my year. Not that I'm not upset about the number of lives that were lost, but apart from the untimely tsunami, 2004 was a pleasant year indeed.

I remember the day Mr Francis Tong of TJC gave me a call and half-shouted "Welcome to TJC!" That moment will forever remain etched in the crevices of my long-term memory. I remember coming out of the interview room earlier that day and knowing that my future was in God's hands. No matter TJC's decision, it was God's decision too. I'd asked God about His plans for me, whether I should apply to other colleges and schools offering the Integrated Programme (IP). He told me His answer that very night. I was discussing my options with my mom on the way to tuition when that fateful call came through. To tell you the truth, I was shell-shocked. Not that I didn't believe I could get in, but it was just so surreal for me. I knew in my heart that if there was a JC I wanted to go to, it was TJC. The atmosphere there beat any other institution I'd seen before. The homeliness of the place. I could only manage a weak 'yes' when he asked if I was elated about my qualifying for the Programme. I was stunned into silence after that. Then as ecstasy kicked in, I didn't even mind sitting through ninety minutes of soporific chinese tuition.

I've been in the IP a month and a half now, and the workload's increasing, slowly but surely. I may have to drop a commitment in the not-so-far future, and I'm still praying about it. But I know I just have to do my best, and God'll do the rest. Sounds cliched I know, but it's what I live by. Our lives're in God's hands, so we'd best just live our lives as decently and happily as possible without worrying too much over circumstances beyond our control. I'm still managing now, I'll try to get all my work done and handed up on time as far as I possibly can. Cutting it slack is a thing of the past for me now. After all, after what appeared in the newspapers, I can't afford to cut it slack. Maybe getting quoted isn't such a good idea. Sheesh.

Oh well. You have just lived through another nostalgic recount of my secondary school days. Don't get me wrong, for the umpteenth time I reiterate that I do love my new school and classmates to bits, just that it'll take a while for these memories to fade. We all need a little time. I think we're all feeling that tinge of nostalgia. It's good to reminisce once in a while.

To quote a line from one of my essays.

"Embrace the future, conserve the past."

Not exactly the best of lines I know, it sounds rather 'off' to me, I have this weird way of sensing when a sentence doesn't exactly sound right, even if it's grammatically correct.

But it'll do for now... Can someone rephrase it or something? I'm clueless as to how to, or maybe Philosophy has exterminated my brain cells. Philosophy isn't 'deep' or cheem as some like to term it, it is understandable if one peruses through it carefully, and slowly of course. It doesn't help that the language is impossibly complex at times either. Hah. I'm presently trying to make sense of Plato's The Republic, kind of mind-boggling at times if you ask me, but I'll live with it. *grimaces*

Ah well, let me think. What I have experienced in the past few weeks:

1. Had shaving cream (I think?) hurled at me by some professional of a cream-on-plate hurler. And he was paid for it. Argh. Location - TJC Chinese New Year carnival. Wenshan, you're forgiven. Really. Haha.
2. Cleaned my room for the hallowed house-visiting of Chinese New Year.
3. Slogged my way through the homework that keeps on coming
4. Had my hair trimmed, a decision which I partially regret.
5. Received less red packets than I did the previous year for Chinese New Year. Not that I'm complaining, one has to learn to count one's blessings.
6. Gotten cheesed off at the PE department, to the extent of contemplating penning a letter to the Principal in fulmination.
7. Puzzled over the intricacies of human behaviour. Sheesh I sound weird now. Haha.

Okay can't think of more. Thus ends my (lengthy) blog post. Happy Chinese New Year everyone! *tries to crow like a rooster but fails miserably*. Have a great Rooster year ahead! :)

Kerry

the magic bean buyer fell apart at 6:08 PM.

Before I proceed to rant at my enjoyment of higher chinese lessons doing a disappearing act, let me gloat on the one thing that has surely made my week in school well worth it - the arrival of the long-awaited Tablet PCs! All the inconveniences of the delayed briefing session pertaining to its usage were quickly brushed aside and committed to the crevices of our short-term memory as we fingered, with awe, our precious computers. Every inch of plastic keeping our fingers from leaving their marks on the delicate surfaces of the PCs was meticulously peeled away. Cables unwound, instruction manuals perused through (now, that's a first). I shan't go into the details, though I must commend the instructor on his use of highfalutin technical terms to good effect, we didn't understand naught.

Lugged the PC back home. Thank you Lord for my parents being so nice as to drive up from their workplace and send me back home, cumbersome packaging and all. My computer's currently charging in my room; am using my sister's. Sigh. The euphoria of the TA induction has died down somewhat, it's down to serious business now. No more lessons being cut slack in favour of introductions, introductions and more introductions.

We're learning some pretty advanced stuff here in TA. We just completed a chapter in chemistry on Avogadro's constant. Pretty much like avocado, huh? Note uncanny relation. Well and we're doing Physical Quantity in Physics at the present moment. Sorry to say this but I very much prefer the Physics Mr Cheng to the Chemistry Mr Cheng. The latter hasn't done anything to offend me as some people might be speculating, haha, but I don't know. Just call me weird, thank you.

I'm just going crazy. I vowed to pay the teacher my fullest attention and devote myself to each subject, but I think that's a new year resolution I'll fail to keep. Already the very mention of chinese causes somnolence to sink in to my dreary eyes, such that a Herculean effort is needed to prise them awake. My eyelids, though heavy, strain to keep in line with that almost-foreign tongue. My lingua franca is not mandarin, granted. I wonder how much longer I can tolerate sitting through that one and a half hours of sheer soporific agony. Oh, this torture must end. But how? Periods are at least 45 minutes long; it wouldn't be so bad if that fair-faced mannequin of a teacher didn't expose her foul heart by piling load after load of assignments on us. Chinese spelling, Chinese workbook exercises... oh well, there's always a price to pay.

"I'm not deterred. I chose this path, so I'll just have to accept and adapt. There's always a price to pay."

Famous utterings. No prizes for guessing the proud magician of the quote. It's in Today. As in, the newspaper. Came out on the 17th of this month. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like so insanely proud of it to tell the whole world, but I thought it was noteworthy. After all, that phrase was concocted while I was dashing to a taxi. Surprising they should use that.

SIGH. The cessation of my lengthy weblog posts commences this very evening. I doubt I'll have the time to post more than 15 mins worth of entries any longer, not till the hols I expect. I'm being tied down by committments far more taxing than I ever imagined, while promotions in my PDPs (CCAs) loom and an inordinate amount of homework starts taking its toll on me, MEP and German hogging my timeslot, I think I'll be lucky if I don't suffer a breakdown soon. I might seem alright on the surface, but inside, it's stressful. I think that's why I laugh a lot. I can still cope now, mind you, I'm not about to turn suicidal - I never will, we have too much in life to be thankful for and what worse way to repay God for his gift of life but ending it in a moment of folly, but I think I'll have to drop a commitment in the near future. Make that immediate future. German or MEP? Or both? This is what's keeping me from really soaking in the TJC atmosphere. They bother me. Every time I step into those classes I tell myself I will quit, but as the lesson wears on I feel I can't. I simply can't. There's so much I want to do, yet so little time. I'm torn between the things I love best - writing, german and music. Oh Lord, please.. please show me what I'm to do. I'm willing to listen, Lord, even if it means leaving Creative Writing, Lord, I'm willing.

Pray for me, please. I need it. Lord, show me the light.

Kerry

the magic bean buyer fell apart at 10:03 PM.

The first week of school. Loads of people've been asking me how it went, so here goes. Firstly, I do love my new school. There's just this sense of spontaneity I've never witnessed in a school before. Also, the Academy students are a bunch of incredibly talented and creative people, I can't wait to get to know all of them. Well, apart from those I already know in 1D. That's my class. D is short for Destiny, which I had a hand in choosing (actually, it was my idea). I know it sounds cheesy and all but I was thinking.. Destined for greatness. Never mind. It'll take a while getting used to the smaller class size and everything but I think I like all my new classmates already. It's good to know there're people who appreciate the crap you enjoy proffering. There's Mei Yan, the efficient class chairwoman.. Charlena the effervescent trooper, Allister the prospective Billy Elliot, Melissa the cat lover.. Yeah. I'll post more when I get to know all of them a lot better. Haha. What else? Um. I like my uniform? It looks trendy enough, the white polo tee. Speaking of teachers, our form teacher's the epitome of Jekyll and Hyde, she can be a total nutcase and a no-nonsense disciplinarian at the same time.

Enough of the IP already, let me blather on about my old schoolmates. I went back to my alma mater, CCHMS, two days ago on Friday. You see, it's difficult to let go of the past, and I'm awfully sorry if this causes you to wonder for the umpteenth time why I am raking up the past and peeling off scabs of memories. Raw emotion cuts the flesh, you see. In my case, my eyes stung when I saw dear Xiangrui, whom I hadn't seen since the class chalet back last November. I hugged him, yes I did, to hell with the embarrassment of hugging a boy and everything. He hasn't grown much, but his wearing long pants gives the optical illusion of him having shot up, as with all the other guys. Admittedly, the only guys whom I conversed with properly were Xiangrui and Yirui. I just waved to the rest. It was just so great seeing them again. I would've stayed the whole day if I could have. I think we saw nearly about everyone. Having a pseudo class reunion in the middle of the canteen with prying students eyeing us with unabashed amusement wasn't exactly the best thing ever, but it was good enough considering it was lunch hour. Oh man, how I miss 2 Courage. And all the teachers... and the school. I wanted to hug loads of people but I'm a little self-conscious so I'll probably only hug if someone hugs me first. Yeah if not I'd have thrown myself onto every person I recognized. Some of them've changed so much..

The teachers suddenly seemed like such precious beings for the few hours we were there. I mean, have you heard of me being nice to *ahem* certain teachers? Oh well. Let the bygones be bygones. Such nostalgia is universal to all, I suppose. And yes, I was eternally grateful for my extremely nice ex-form-teacher Mr. Tan being so kind as to offer us the school yearbooks before they were released to the students. He took time off his own schedule to sit down and engage in causerie with us at the concourse too. I mean, he probably has his own work to do and all, but he sacrificed that just to spend time with us. Sigh. A teacher like him is a rare find. Teachers in CCHMS are rare finds.. I can't name all of them but trust me, prospective CCHMS students, the majority of them are. Ahhh. I feel so honoured. I've been looking at the latest issue of the school newsletter a lot. Not just for my CAP article but for the farewell page at the end. Sigh. The CCA block. Mr. Yue. Memories of the days gone by.. the days when we'd frolick by the lake, hurling stones to see how far they'd go and marveling at the ripples that spread through the lake in a domino-like effect. The days when we'd exhort others to rush down four storeys to the volleyball courts in the hope of keeping within the eight-minute grace period given to reach the PE teacher. The days when Mr. Soon's patrolling meant taking an alternative route and navigating the school compound like a detective on the sly. The squats the offenders had to perform terrified us all, though some were undeterred by the punishment. Come to think of it, I miss Mr. Soon. I don't relish being able to tuck my TJC polo tee out, y'know. It's still weird for me, but I'll get used to it.

Last monday was the last day I wore my CCHMS uniform. A particularly poignant day, I was wearing it in TJC while the rest of my ex-schoolmates donned theirs in CCH. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I forbade myself to cry. It took a gargantuan effort to restrict the tear ducts from any outflow when I saw Xiangrui and the rest of them. Not that I don't miss the rest of them, but seeing little Xiangrui, one of my best pals, in long pants - now that was the realization that we've all grown up. We're upper secondary kids, even us Academy students. I don't see any of them as upper secondary students though.. I still see the childish grins on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes as they reminisce and welcome us back to our alma mater. I still see the manner in which they conduct themselves around us, and sigh with relief that they haven't changed one bit. They're still the same old CR-ians. I want it to stay that way. I can't wait to go back again. This time, I'll bring all the presents I've been saving for certain people and loads of other stuff. Next week, perhaps. The very prospect of it's getting me excited.

The teachers. They haven't changed either. They're still teaching, lugging huge loads of worksheets around. I wish I could be around to help them every school day. Guess I took a lot of them for granted. But it was nice to see a host of familiar faces around again. Even though we were the green of TJC, our hearts still bore the white of CCHMS for that few hours. Not insinuating that our hearts have turned a shade of green completely though. Even as we'll have to pledge allegiance to TJC in the immediate future, I don't foresee removing all trace of CCHMS from me. CCHMS is, and will, always be a part of me. In fact, the first thought that came to mind when we turned into the school for the first time this year was 'I'm home'.

Home is where the heart is.

My heart's not making way for TJC to replace CCHMS. It'll just have to share.

Kerry

the magic bean buyer fell apart at 12:40 PM.