look what love has done.

one in the morning

2005-03-25T01:03:00.000+08:00

It is one in the morning.

It is the time when Darkness complements Fear perfectly. Their entities intertwine, leaving you somewhat befuddled at the intimacy in which they conduct themselves in the other's presence. It is the time of day when the cars are silent, a dirigible or two roars its way down the gravel road, and you hear the clink of car keys jangling. You get raucous, wild music blasting from stereos as the vehicles whizz by, more often than not an ostentatious display of the conscious knowledge of the trends in today's society.

I look out the window, and the world is painted black. Shadows, previously docile, seem to spring out at one, lurking in the corners, always waiting. Intimidating others with the monstrous heights and dizzying lows it scales in proportion to light. A dim light flickers in the corner, dying. I tread carefully, though I know the floorboards can't possibly snap in two. Yet somewhere in the back of mind, ruminations nag at me. Anything's possible, you know. Anything's possible.

I plod out for a glass of water, then stop short in my tracku,s as I spy a door slightly ajar. The room is unlit, yet shadows stretch the length of the room. A part of me longs to push the door open, to unlock the mysteries that lie within, yet a part of me is afraid. Afraid of what may lie within. I turn, and for a split second, the liquid that runs its course through my veins freezes as the gate creaks open. This unearthly hour plays host to unusual happenings.

And then I see my brother, smiling, laughing, talking to his special someone on his cell phone, and sigh, one of relief.

Ah well. That was totally random, I assure you, but it's sort of how I feel when I traverse the corridors of my house to get stuff at night.

Hmm, I shall round up my day. Lessons in school, monotony. Integrated subject, Comparative Economics. Mr Dumortier isn't a bad teacher, actually, and I might just want to take Econs. Pretty interesting, hope I do well. Nothing much after that, had MEP, supposedly there's a trip to Vienna in June but I definitely can't make it 'cos of the UK trip. Hmm. Okay and after that. I go for the Student Council Briefing. Am sworn to secrecy, so can't divulge any details here, but let's just say I was shell-shocked. After the elections and hoo-ha are over I might spill the beans, but I can't for now. Just know that it wasn't what I expected.

I need sleep. Badly. The Sandman's tugging at the corners of my eyes. Sigh. Will have to be on my best behaviour the next week or so because of the elections. Bah no more, ain't saying no more, any more and the lot will come gushing forth from my lips.

And the rime of the ancient mariner is somewhat confusing, disturbing to a certain extent.

I still have MEP homework. I don't know why I'm blogging about random events/mundane events but my ring finger hurts and maybe that's why my brain is intepreting the signals and has psychologically barred my nerves from transmitting the message that I would like to blog more, preferably about some Philosophical debate again. Hmm. Another time, if I have time.

Sigh.

Pray for me, please? I'm going to need lots of that for the next week.

I need to persevere.

Kerry.

Ron!

2005-03-09T22:51:00.000+08:00

That's it. She isn't appreciating him.

Of all people she has to date him and yet she doesn't treasure this gem of a guy she's procured. I mean, look at that adorable face? This sounds asinine I know, but it just takes one turn of his head to make me want to sweep him into an embrace and hug all the hurt away. In that split second I just felt so sorry for him, for what he had to go through. And then I thought, if I were there and heard his story, I'd hug him. A fleeting thought, is it just the hormones taking control of my emotions, or what? Maybe it's just sympathy that he was once an American POW stranded in Iraq, brutally beaten by his unforgiving captors. He was once one of those names I saw in bold black print in the Straits Times two years back. I stared into the faces of those desolate, hopeless souls, each imploring the reader to rescue him. While I could barely even come close to imagining their terror and agony, I prayed for them. Long and hard, night by night, I prayed for their safe return. I thought of all the families that so anxiously and eagerly awaited these men who had given their lives to their country, and expected nothing in return, for serving the country was an honour in itself. They would die for their country any time, a level of patroism I truly admired. Even I'd find it difficult to say I'd give my life up for the country if called upon.

That's something I call true courage. Now, I know true courage the television series has been blabbered about and waxed lyrical on for the longest time already, but their heroics were the bona fide essence of valour. Such an admirable quality.

Anyway, I know I've sidetracked, AGAIN. His name's Ronald Young, he's on the seventh season of The Amazing Race, which's currently airing, and he's got real rosy baby cheeks I'd love to pinch. There's something about the way he looks at the camera, it's got that feel of Anthony Federov, Keanu Reeves and Clay Aiken all in one. That X-factor. Yeah, he may be a bit of a disoriented ex-POW, but he's adorable all right. Well, he may not have attained that height of celebrity status yet, but there's no telling. Reality shows like the Amazing Race do amazing things to people. Pardon the pun.

Well, even if the Amazing Race catapults a pair to ephemeral fame, nothing beats Survivor, second only to American Idol, which by far is a more rewarding competition and no less gruelling than Survivor. So it makes sense to try out for American Idol instead, because all you have to do is sing. Ah, shan't go into details. It's half past eleven at night now and I really should be going off to sleep soon.

Anyhow, to expand on the Ron topic, I read somewhere on the Television Without Pity forums that they'd broken up. Gosh, I sure hope she didn't ditch him or whatever. He's probably had his heart broken more than once, for his country and now the love of his life. How much more can he take? Well, I guess it'll be nice to watch them on TAR with the knowledge that they've parted ways, watch them together, running the last race of their lives together. Hm, this paragraph reeks of melodrama. Skip it if you think so too. Heh.

Darn it, Kelly, appreciate him a bit more and quit mistreating him! It isn't often these sort of guys come around and accompany you on the Amazing Race!

( I must be hyper, or I wouldn't have gone on randomly about some couple from TAR.)

Great, now my brother just has to come offend me at what, 11.43 PM at night. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but can I just say I HATE him now. I hate that look on his face when he smugly announces that he will tell my parents I've stayed up late. Like, excuse me mister, do I look as if I care? I'll be accountable for my own actions. I'm going to pen a note to my parents, which will be unnecessary I think because they know I normally sleep around this time anyway. If I wasn't so confined to being courteous I would have just told him to get lost and out of my sight.

Oh dear Lord help me to tolerate my siblings.

Kerry

House function!

2005-03-05T12:15:00.000+08:00

I don't even know where to begin. Perhaps it comes with not posting for an extended period of time. Well, while I try to organize my disjointed thoughts into a meaningful weblog post, I'll leave you with 10 things that've I've experienced in between the previous blog entry and this one.

1. Anger - trying to control it. I won't mention names, but a figure of authority has been sawing at my nerve endings. One day if IT goes overboard I may just throw caution to the wind and rant at IT. I have taken to calling the person IT because I don't know the demographic readership of this weblog. For all you know, the PM could be tracking this weblog. Never mind. More anti-PAP slogans shall follow. I think I shall set up my own political party when I grow up, in the name of opposing the PAP. Not that I harbour political aspirations, but it'd be nice to see the Parliament speechless for a change. For one thing, I absolutely detest it when people write in to the forum, querulously importuning the government to change this and that, and backing up their claims, and the government just offers them some reply that sounds oh-so-cordial and diplomatically correct. Those uhm, figures of authority try to appease the masses, but their replies reek of unjustness. Trust me, if anyone wants to see the whole list of the PAP's foibles, and this essay of-sorts about Singapore hiding behind a facade of democracy, I'd be more than happy to show you.

I have sidetracked, I know.

2. Survived a barrage of tests, which were none too pleasing to the senses.

3. Spent mornings doing electives (reading, and nothing else, what do you expect from short story appreciation) and the rest of the school day idling around, trying to be productive.

4. Rushed out quite a few files.

5. Stared out the window and wondered about CCH for the umpteenth time.

6. Wondered about the fragility of friendships, and the sensitivity of some.

7. Divulged a secret I'd never told before.

8. Puzzled over A maths and offered a billion-to-one odds on my majoring in mathematics in University after attending some weirdo talk from some NIE professor.

9. Been horrified at the inhumane acts some people in SOME parts of the world can do to animals. I.e hacking their paws off. Shan't go into details.

10. Developed a whole new appreciation for being able to converse in coffee-shop slang, i.e kopi and teh-tarik and the like. A reminder to self - No, tea with milk with ice is not "teh tarik, you3 bing1 de4 (mandarin)" but just TEH BING. ack.

Horrid. Heh, but overall it's been a good week.

Congrats to the JC3(lol) people for their stellar results! 'Coz we get a half day as a result of your hard work! Thanks so much! Yea, that sounds enthusiastic enough.

Oh well. I want to change my blog template. Ah, for technology.

Hmm oh yeah, I remember the house function yesterday. It was alright I suppose, theme - Masquerade but no one cared to don their masks. Or at least none that I saw of. Mass dances were fun enough but I seriously do need someone to teach me the dances. And soon, because I don't want to be embarassed in front of the seniors again. Such ignominy when they turn around and see us flailing our limbs wildly 'coz we aren't sure of the steps. Sheesh. Dancing in the moonlight, literally.

I think I shall go work on a short story now. Hopefully the frequency of my blog posts will be upped. :)

Kerry

ramble ramble

2005-02-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

One of my rare posts, mark it down in the history books! Hmmm, am watchin' American Idol now, and so far, the competition's been mind-blowingly good. I mean, you can actually HEAR the potential in every voice regardless of how nervous they are. I'm actually kind of glad I don't live in the US now 'cos I'd have a real hard time deciding how to vote. The girls're performing first. Can't wait for the guys to perform. There's Anthony and Constantine! Truth be told, I only noticed Constatine 'cos I was raving about Constantine (the movie) and well his name's unique! Yeah, and Anthony for obvious reasons. Well maybe not obvious, but I suppose it touches everyone. The fact that he survived trachmydia is such a marvel in itself. Not just his surviving the deadly disease, but his voice - it almost seems as though God meant for him to sing. God has his divine purposes, we'll see.

Yes yes, shall stop meandering on about American Idol, I could go on forever. I could go on forever about God's love too. Heh, but it's going to take an impossibly long weblog post to cover the former, the latter can't even be expressed in words. Point is - God loves you. That's all you have to know.

Took the Big5 Personality Test today. Am I surprised at the results? Well, some of it. For a start, I never thought of myself as superior to others, I'm pretty much in the middle, not humble to a fault - because I don't believe in humility down to the extent of being self-deprecating, but on the other hand, not swell-headed, because no matter if you're some Nobel Prize Winner, there'll always be someone out there better than you. Strangely enough, even though I put my opinion as 'Neutral' at the question "Honestly speaking, do you think of yourself as superior" - or something to that effect. I am quite certain I didn't agree with that statement, that is, I didn't say I was superior 'cos I don't think so. Sheesh. Maybe the test is screwed. I think they got the stuff right only 60 percent of the time. Those statistics aren't the best, considering we paid a hefty 80 bucks for the test. Argh. That was before the school kindly subsidized half of it. Oh yes - trivia from the test - I have to consume complex carbohydrates and fats to be at peak performance or whatever it is. Wow. So dietary information is included. For eighty bucks.. still not worth it. Consulting a nutritionist probably gives you better value.

Oh yeah, another interesting bit about teachers. Even our physics teacher endorses BGRs! Though it's not in a way you might term positive. Not sure actually.

Woonyee and Mr Cheng were online having a conversation. It started off innocently enough with

"were you all having chem remedial today?"

and progressed to,

"I've seen a lot of couples recently (referring to IP). You know, relationships may not necessarily be a bad thing at this age, but it all depends on how mature you are. 'Cos at this age, the hormones control everything" - something to that effect.

And then he went on about some Korean actress committing suicide. Oh my gosh.

Mr Cheng is a funny guy. But a good teacher! haha. Physics has, at the very least, become more interesting.

On another note, I've about completed all the homework due except the Science individual assignment thing which I have absolutely no clue as to how to do. This is absurd.

Diversion again. I'm failing to stay on topic. Basically because of the telly! It's so distracting I just type something about whatever I see on the screen. Just saw this commercial on the Amazing Race 7. Like gosh, the majority of the hype is because ROB and AMBER the survivor sweethearts (am so sick of the phrase) are racing! Like, so what? They're just any couple, them having been on survivor doesn't make them any different. And the Amazing Race hasn't been rigged (in my knowledge) so far. Hopefully the season will not expose the Amazing Race's riggedness (if there's such a word), if the show is rigged. Never mind, I seriously am going off on another train of thought now. Pull me in!

Great watching ER now and the screen's like so dead silent you can just about sense something's going to happen.

Hmm. Electives week is coming soon. That's good news, 'cos short story appreciation's fun! Heh. And they just announced the list of Integrated Subjects today. Argh not much choice, am torn between Art and Architecture (the only other decent one to me) and Comparative Economics, which I really wanna do. Oh sigh. Horrible subjects. But I like economics. Hah.

Bah. A plethora of tests next week. Have to mug over the weekend.

Meeeeeooowwwww. Melissa, if you see this. Meeow.

And I miss CCH. The pain's lessened with time, but now and then it returns, and I find myself smiling now at the stupid things we used to do in Secondary school. Oh well. JC lfe's fun if not stressful, and I thank God I have a bunch of fantastic friends to stick it out with!

:) Oh man, this post has been so inane I can't describe it. Tlll the next time I have enough time to blog, god bless!

Kerry

Apologies

2005-02-11T18:08:00.000+08:00

I apologize if this post seems way overdue; I've been just so unbelievably busy these past few weeks, talk of the hectic Junior College life. Well, things have pretty much settled down around here. I've made a whole bunch of friends, fantastic ones, and encountered teachers... um, maybe we can touch on the teachers another time. Heh. Oh well I suppose they're generally nice with the exception of a notable few. Still, as much as I love my present school, every so often my wanderlust mind drifts back to the times I had as a innocent (well, maybe not) secondary student clad in a military-style uniform complete with archaic chinese metal buttons and all. The days when I donned the white of Chung Cheng High. Just thinking back, the route through that convoluted mess of lower secondary life was far from easy. It was tough even fitting in, with the lingua franca being chinese and the dominance of Singlish over proper English, which I'd be accustomed to in my Convent primary school. I had such a hard time adjusting to these radical changes in my life, which was then racked by my raging hormones and self-realization, that I remember I flunked my first few tests with flying colours. I didn't do particularly well in English either, so I suppose I didn't make much of an impression on anyone. I was just there - the sore thumb, the 'misfit' in a sense, the English-speaking bookish bespectacled kid who never flouted the sartorial rules and adhered strictly to school policies.

It was better in secondary two, well kind of. I opened up a little more, got to know people a little better, and started on a course of self-discovery. I discovered things I never knew about myself, both positive and negative traits, and I languished every so often in the respite of my memories of my primary school, hoping to be sucked back into that timeless period of puerile ignorance, when I could feign ignorance even if I knew what was going on (as kids normally do - I read somewhere that kids can usually sense the truth long before they are told - how true), and no one would smell a rat. Those days I found myself reading more into things than I should have. I'd think long and hard about the events of any given day, and I was emotionally vulnerable, in a sense. I'd fret over the slightest things, right down to English punctuation, and get paranoid. Thankfully, I had the company of my friends, who taught me right from wrong, and gave me wake-up calls as and when I needed them. Without them, I don't think I'd have been where I am today. They have been fantastic, and still are. I thank the Lord daily for them. Every one of them, whether I've liked them or not. In some way or another, they've left their footprints on my life.

I got through lower secondary life. The road was far from easy, but I made it. Turbulence and tumultuousness aside, it was a year in which the twin peaks of Joy and Sorrow hit me like bullet trains at full speed. I wisened up a lot more, especially towards the end of the year. I started liking Philosophy - incidentally, I'm doing Philosophy in school ntsow, should be interesting :) - and ruminated ever so often about the fallacies of life. I turned to God, and grew closer to Him. I led non-believers to Him, something that I'm extremely happy about and will continue to do. The year of 2004 just whizzed by. 2003 was draggy with the spectre of SARS looming and the economy taking a nosedive, 2004 flew. It mounted itself on eagles' wings and took to the skies. Sure, the tsunami hit everyone hard, it could be considered a global tragedy, but it hardly dampened my year. Not that I'm not upset about the number of lives that were lost, but apart from the untimely tsunami, 2004 was a pleasant year indeed.

I remember the day Mr Francis Tong of TJC gave me a call and half-shouted "Welcome to TJC!" That moment will forever remain etched in the crevices of my long-term memory. I remember coming out of the interview room earlier that day and knowing that my future was in God's hands. No matter TJC's decision, it was God's decision too. I'd asked God about His plans for me, whether I should apply to other colleges and schools offering the Integrated Programme (IP). He told me His answer that very night. I was discussing my options with my mom on the way to tuition when that fateful call came through. To tell you the truth, I was shell-shocked. Not that I didn't believe I could get in, but it was just so surreal for me. I knew in my heart that if there was a JC I wanted to go to, it was TJC. The atmosphere there beat any other institution I'd seen before. The homeliness of the place. I could only manage a weak 'yes' when he asked if I was elated about my qualifying for the Programme. I was stunned into silence after that. Then as ecstasy kicked in, I didn't even mind sitting through ninety minutes of soporific chinese tuition.

I've been in the IP a month and a half now, and the workload's increasing, slowly but surely. I may have to drop a commitment in the not-so-far future, and I'm still praying about it. But I know I just have to do my best, and God'll do the rest. Sounds cliched I know, but it's what I live by. Our lives're in God's hands, so we'd best just live our lives as decently and happily as possible without worrying too much over circumstances beyond our control. I'm still managing now, I'll try to get all my work done and handed up on time as far as I possibly can. Cutting it slack is a thing of the past for me now. After all, after what appeared in the newspapers, I can't afford to cut it slack. Maybe getting quoted isn't such a good idea. Sheesh.

Oh well. You have just lived through another nostalgic recount of my secondary school days. Don't get me wrong, for the umpteenth time I reiterate that I do love my new school and classmates to bits, just that it'll take a while for these memories to fade. We all need a little time. I think we're all feeling that tinge of nostalgia. It's good to reminisce once in a while.

To quote a line from one of my essays.

"Embrace the future, conserve the past."

Not exactly the best of lines I know, it sounds rather 'off' to me, I have this weird way of sensing when a sentence doesn't exactly sound right, even if it's grammatically correct.

But it'll do for now... Can someone rephrase it or something? I'm clueless as to how to, or maybe Philosophy has exterminated my brain cells. Philosophy isn't 'deep' or cheem as some like to term it, it is understandable if one peruses through it carefully, and slowly of course. It doesn't help that the language is impossibly complex at times either. Hah. I'm presently trying to make sense of Plato's The Republic, kind of mind-boggling at times if you ask me, but I'll live with it. *grimaces*

Ah well, let me think. What I have experienced in the past few weeks:

Had shaving cream (I think?) hurled at me by some professional of a cream-on-plate hurler. And he was paid for it. Argh. Location - TJC Chinese New Year carnival. Wenshan, you're forgiven. Really. Haha.
Cleaned my room for the hallowed house-visiting of Chinese New Year.
Slogged my way through the homework that keeps on coming
Had my hair trimmed, a decision which I partially regret.
Received less red packets than I did the previous year for Chinese New Year. Not that I'm complaining, one has to learn to count one's blessings.
Gotten cheesed off at the PE department, to the extent of contemplating penning a letter to the Principal in fulmination.
Puzzled over the intricacies of human behaviour. Sheesh I sound weird now. Haha.

Okay can't think of more. Thus ends my (lengthy) blog post. Happy Chinese New Year everyone! *tries to crow like a rooster but fails miserably*. Have a great Rooster year ahead! :)

Kerry

Dilemma

2005-01-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

Before I proceed to rant at my enjoyment of higher chinese lessons doing a disappearing act, let me gloat on the one thing that has surely made my week in school well worth it - the arrival of the long-awaited Tablet PCs! All the inconveniences of the delayed briefing session pertaining to its usage were quickly brushed aside and committed to the crevices of our short-term memory as we fingered, with awe, our precious computers. Every inch of plastic keeping our fingers from leaving their marks on the delicate surfaces of the PCs was meticulously peeled away. Cables unwound, instruction manuals perused through (now, that's a first). I shan't go into the details, though I must commend the instructor on his use of highfalutin technical terms to good effect, we didn't understand naught.

Lugged the PC back home. Thank you Lord for my parents being so nice as to drive up from their workplace and send me back home, cumbersome packaging and all. My computer's currently charging in my room; am using my sister's. Sigh. The euphoria of the TA induction has died down somewhat, it's down to serious business now. No more lessons being cut slack in favour of introductions, introductions and more introductions.

We're learning some pretty advanced stuff here in TA. We just completed a chapter in chemistry on Avogadro's constant. Pretty much like avocado, huh? Note uncanny relation. Well and we're doing Physical Quantity in Physics at the present moment. Sorry to say this but I very much prefer the Physics Mr Cheng to the Chemistry Mr Cheng. The latter hasn't done anything to offend me as some people might be speculating, haha, but I don't know. Just call me weird, thank you.

I'm just going crazy. I vowed to pay the teacher my fullest attention and devote myself to each subject, but I think that's a new year resolution I'll fail to keep. Already the very mention of chinese causes somnolence to sink in to my dreary eyes, such that a Herculean effort is needed to prise them awake. My eyelids, though heavy, strain to keep in line with that almost-foreign tongue. My lingua franca is not mandarin, granted. I wonder how much longer I can tolerate sitting through that one and a half hours of sheer soporific agony. Oh, this torture must end. But how? Periods are at least 45 minutes long; it wouldn't be so bad if that fair-faced mannequin of a teacher didn't expose her foul heart by piling load after load of assignments on us. Chinese spelling, Chinese workbook exercises... oh well, there's always a price to pay.

"I'm not deterred. I chose this path, so I'll just have to accept and adapt. There's always a price to pay."

Famous utterings. No prizes for guessing the proud magician of the quote. It's in Today. As in, the newspaper. Came out on the 17th of this month. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like so insanely proud of it to tell the whole world, but I thought it was noteworthy. After all, that phrase was concocted while I was dashing to a taxi. Surprising they should use that.

SIGH. The cessation of my lengthy weblog posts commences this very evening. I doubt I'll have the time to post more than 15 mins worth of entries any longer, not till the hols I expect. I'm being tied down by committments far more taxing than I ever imagined, while promotions in my PDPs (CCAs) loom and an inordinate amount of homework starts taking its toll on me, MEP and German hogging my timeslot, I think I'll be lucky if I don't suffer a breakdown soon. I might seem alright on the surface, but inside, it's stressful. I think that's why I laugh a lot. I can still cope now, mind you, I'm not about to turn suicidal - I never will, we have too much in life to be thankful for and what worse way to repay God for his gift of life but ending it in a moment of folly, but I think I'll have to drop a commitment in the near future. Make that immediate future. German or MEP? Or both? This is what's keeping me from really soaking in the TJC atmosphere. They bother me. Every time I step into those classes I tell myself I will quit, but as the lesson wears on I feel I can't. I simply can't. There's so much I want to do, yet so little time. I'm torn between the things I love best - writing, german and music. Oh Lord, please.. please show me what I'm to do. I'm willing to listen, Lord, even if it means leaving Creative Writing, Lord, I'm willing.

Pray for me, please. I need it. Lord, show me the light.

Kerry

bittersweet memories

2005-01-09T12:40:00.000+08:00

The first week of school. Loads of people've been asking me how it went, so here goes. Firstly, I do love my new school. There's just this sense of spontaneity I've never witnessed in a school before. Also, the Academy students are a bunch of incredibly talented and creative people, I can't wait to get to know all of them. Well, apart from those I already know in 1D. That's my class. D is short for Destiny, which I had a hand in choosing (actually, it was my idea). I know it sounds cheesy and all but I was thinking.. Destined for greatness. Never mind. It'll take a while getting used to the smaller class size and everything but I think I like all my new classmates already. It's good to know there're people who appreciate the crap you enjoy proffering. There's Mei Yan, the efficient class chairwoman.. Charlena the effervescent trooper, Allister the prospective Billy Elliot, Melissa the cat lover.. Yeah. I'll post more when I get to know all of them a lot better. Haha. What else? Um. I like my uniform? It looks trendy enough, the white polo tee. Speaking of teachers, our form teacher's the epitome of Jekyll and Hyde, she can be a total nutcase and a no-nonsense disciplinarian at the same time.

Enough of the IP already, let me blather on about my old schoolmates. I went back to my alma mater, CCHMS, two days ago on Friday. You see, it's difficult to let go of the past, and I'm awfully sorry if this causes you to wonder for the umpteenth time why I am raking up the past and peeling off scabs of memories. Raw emotion cuts the flesh, you see. In my case, my eyes stung when I saw dear Xiangrui, whom I hadn't seen since the class chalet back last November. I hugged him, yes I did, to hell with the embarrassment of hugging a boy and everything. He hasn't grown much, but his wearing long pants gives the optical illusion of him having shot up, as with all the other guys. Admittedly, the only guys whom I conversed with properly were Xiangrui and Yirui. I just waved to the rest. It was just so great seeing them again. I would've stayed the whole day if I could have. I think we saw nearly about everyone. Having a pseudo class reunion in the middle of the canteen with prying students eyeing us with unabashed amusement wasn't exactly the best thing ever, but it was good enough considering it was lunch hour. Oh man, how I miss 2 Courage. And all the teachers... and the school. I wanted to hug loads of people but I'm a little self-conscious so I'll probably only hug if someone hugs me first. Yeah if not I'd have thrown myself onto every person I recognized. Some of them've changed so much..

The teachers suddenly seemed like such precious beings for the few hours we were there. I mean, have you heard of me being nice to *ahem* certain teachers? Oh well. Let the bygones be bygones. Such nostalgia is universal to all, I suppose. And yes, I was eternally grateful for my extremely nice ex-form-teacher Mr. Tan being so kind as to offer us the school yearbooks before they were released to the students. He took time off his own schedule to sit down and engage in causerie with us at the concourse too. I mean, he probably has his own work to do and all, but he sacrificed that just to spend time with us. Sigh. A teacher like him is a rare find. Teachers in CCHMS are rare finds.. I can't name all of them but trust me, prospective CCHMS students, the majority of them are. Ahhh. I feel so honoured. I've been looking at the latest issue of the school newsletter a lot. Not just for my CAP article but for the farewell page at the end. Sigh. The CCA block. Mr. Yue. Memories of the days gone by.. the days when we'd frolick by the lake, hurling stones to see how far they'd go and marveling at the ripples that spread through the lake in a domino-like effect. The days when we'd exhort others to rush down four storeys to the volleyball courts in the hope of keeping within the eight-minute grace period given to reach the PE teacher. The days when Mr. Soon's patrolling meant taking an alternative route and navigating the school compound like a detective on the sly. The squats the offenders had to perform terrified us all, though some were undeterred by the punishment. Come to think of it, I miss Mr. Soon. I don't relish being able to tuck my TJC polo tee out, y'know. It's still weird for me, but I'll get used to it.

Last monday was the last day I wore my CCHMS uniform. A particularly poignant day, I was wearing it in TJC while the rest of my ex-schoolmates donned theirs in CCH. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I forbade myself to cry. It took a gargantuan effort to restrict the tear ducts from any outflow when I saw Xiangrui and the rest of them. Not that I don't miss the rest of them, but seeing little Xiangrui, one of my best pals, in long pants - now that was the realization that we've all grown up. We're upper secondary kids, even us Academy students. I don't see any of them as upper secondary students though.. I still see the childish grins on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes as they reminisce and welcome us back to our alma mater. I still see the manner in which they conduct themselves around us, and sigh with relief that they haven't changed one bit. They're still the same old CR-ians. I want it to stay that way. I can't wait to go back again. This time, I'll bring all the presents I've been saving for certain people and loads of other stuff. Next week, perhaps. The very prospect of it's getting me excited.

The teachers. They haven't changed either. They're still teaching, lugging huge loads of worksheets around. I wish I could be around to help them every school day. Guess I took a lot of them for granted. But it was nice to see a host of familiar faces around again. Even though we were the green of TJC, our hearts still bore the white of CCHMS for that few hours. Not insinuating that our hearts have turned a shade of green completely though. Even as we'll have to pledge allegiance to TJC in the immediate future, I don't foresee removing all trace of CCHMS from me. CCHMS is, and will, always be a part of me. In fact, the first thought that came to mind when we turned into the school for the first time this year was 'I'm home'.

Home is where the heart is.

My heart's not making way for TJC to replace CCHMS. It'll just have to share.

Kerry

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T01:52:00.000+08:00

My reflections of 2004 are below this post, for those who would like to read it. It's a whole lot more substantial than this post, obviously, and it's just a look-back at 2004 from my perspective. The following is just a little update on Orientation at Temasek JC, my new school.

Orientation was fine, really, for those who've asked me. I met interesting people whom I'm sure will make great friends. I had a minor scare when I thought my class name was Wolverine. The orientation theme was X-Men. Right.. Woonyee, Steph, Ching Kee and Junping, my ex-classmates, will continue to be my classmates for the next 2 years, at least. I miss CCHMS a lot, needless to say. I wonder about the seat in a secondary 3 class that would have been mine, the friends I've left behind, the teachers - everybody, in fact, right down to the new principal. Sigh. Farewell once again 2CR, and hey 1D - we're going to rock this year!

Will update more on my trip to Europe and the people I miss from the tour and the rest of orientation later. It's 2AM and I really should be in bed. Happy New Year everyone!

Kerry

Reflections.

2004-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

It's the final hurdle in the quest for change. The banner flutters high in the wind. The runner sees it from afar. She's tired, but she pushes on, in the hope that the end is near, and a new beginning is just around the corner. She's used to times like these, when the end seems so near, yet so far away. Many a time she's stumbled onto the track, wondering if the race is worth running. Then she sees the banner in the distance again, and knows she must not disappoint the cheering crowds who wait patiently at the end, rejoicing each time she picks up speed, silently encouraging her when ill fortune has befallen her. Their faces tell it all. Some are contorted with concern, others ecstatic. It has been a tumultuous year, but the track has been good to her in general. Though there have been times when rocks cluttered her path and worn her shoes to their soles, and the times when the water she so desperately craved to quench her thirst plopped in large drops to the gravel beneath her in a moment of her own folly, her own demons, her shortcomings. Carelessness. Irresponsibility. You name it, she's felt the guilt prick her conscience. Sometimes bystanders have had to haul her back onto the beaten track when she's contemplated taking a shorter route to the greener grass on the other side, where hedonistic cows grazed with gay abandon. Sometimes her own ambitions got the better of her and she dreamed of winning the marathon. She brushed other runners aside with her lofty ambitions and shoved unhatched eggs into their grasps to count. She ran a distance ahead before realising those eggs would never crack, at least for awhile. She's had bystanders cheer her on, the only people to do so. She never really appreciated them sometimes, and would holler at them for distracting her from her goal when in fact, they were only trying to help. Sometimes they shied away when she needed them most, not out of rejection but of disappointment. She's disappointed them sometimes with her tendency to show the worst side of her when the veil of Self-Doubt is tied around her eyes. Their scathing words, which she thought they meant, hurt like Acid does irreparable damage to a porcelain complexion. She didn't realise that while their fair faces hid their foul language they, too, were hurting inside, for she had become a different person seemingly overnight. She's had bad patches in which she's seen the water bottle as half empty instead of half full, in which the sky's clouded over with the spectre of Depression, in which she's had to exorcise her own demons, the demons of Uncertainty, Doubt and others. It's been a year of setbacks and triumphs alike, in which the raw emotions of elation and sorrow have hit her with unparalleled force. She's matured quite a bit, too, and no longer clings to the soft toy that she's been used to hugging to sleep at night while she runs. While she acknowledges that the past is worthy of being remembered, she's looking to the future with a smile. The race has been long, and her legs ache for a rest. But she knows that after the finishing line is crossed, after she recovers from the initial overwhelming exhaustion, after the mind and body are rested and the worn soles of the shoes are replaced, she will inevitably look back upon the marathon with a tinge of nostalgia and smile. She doesn't know which emotion she will evince just yet, but she will smile. Behind that smile is a face weary of the world. Not in the suicidal sense, but weary of all the battles that have been waged, both within herself and the world. She shudders when she remembers each disaster or war that shook that nations and the world at large. She wonders why people cannot just sit down for a glass of milk and a plate of cookies at tea time everyday and have a nap and be nice people after that simple pleasure. She ruminates about the going-ons of the world, whether the hierarchies of the nations really know what they are doing, for if they did, the world would not be in such a state of utter disarray, like a messy room that hasn't been cleaned in decades. Such anarchy. She wonders why humanity is fast taking to the trend of innate selfishness. Why do they cling to the past and reach for the future when we should cherish the present? Why do they long to be Retro, and at the same time members of the 21st century? They ask for too much sometimes, and even God cannot take it. Humans have, for too long, acted like such geniuses without realizing that it is the Almighty who reigns. She remembers the recent tidal waves, the tidal waves that left hundreds of thousands dead and homeless, and left many others grief-stricken and unable to welcome the New Year with a happy heart. She feels for them. This particular disaster, a tsunami, relatively unheard of in the region, has wrecked the shorelines of major nations and completely devastated and consumed entire islands, them low-lying entities of the oceans. Tourists were left stranded, hapless in the midst of Nature's fury. God taught us a lesson that fateful day, just a few days ago. The race had to go on even as she felt the sorrow, though not as intense. It happened the day after Christmas, while she was in a celebratory mood. The world only knew of it on the 27th, just as each of them was chucking wrapping paper into the basket, counting gifts and finishing leftover turkey. The catastrophe knocked the stuffing out of her New Year resolutions. So much for wanting good grades. Now all she wishes for, as she does her warm-ups for a new race ahead, is peace for the year ahead.

- Thanks for reading the above, those who've bothered to peruse this post. I must admit this came to me out of the blue. It would contain more content if I had not accidentally deleted the previous post while I was in the middle of typing it. In any case, it will be edited soon, adding more where I feel is lacking, although it is bereft of my name - I am sure even the most uninitiated reader will realize that the 'she' I refer to is actually myself. It's a look back at my year, while it's officially 2005 now. Please do note that that I do not refer to anyone in particular in this post, while I would like to it would be too lengthy if I put names to events and experiences. I do not describe the events that caused my flame of optimism to tremble and my faith waver, for I don't wish to bore you. I'm not denying the past, I'm just summarizing what has been a rather interesting year. Various ups and downs. Oh well. God bless all of you. I hope all of you have a great 2005, and always remember that while the race may be hard, I'll be waving the banner at the end of it. I'll be your emcee at the victory parade, and I'll hoist you up on my shoulders when you're done. Any time you feel like you can't see the light beyond an obstacle, I'll be here. I'll probably encounter the same. It's universal. I'll always be here for you in any case. God bless, and happy new year!

2004-12-21T16:56:00.000+08:00

just an expeditious update - i'm at bremen, germany now. thankfully the hotel has an internet station so yeah. i'll be catching a train in about half an hour to amsterdam, holland. sigh. let me list the things i have learnt from this trip, which is due to end in about 3 days.

1. the one thing that's better than the scenery on a vacation - a drop-dead gorgeous tour director!!

oh okay wait gotta go father's friend is here to fetch us to the train station

later!

blah.

2004-12-10T01:05:00.000+08:00

these stupid computers at the airport terminals suck so badly. ahh and not literally. they're like filthy. and they hanged on me the blasted things. okay then my whole post just now was DELETED JUST LIKE THAT and not after subjecting myself to humiliation in front of like a few dozen people who were half watching me type away frantically at the keyboard and attack the keys like some monster in a rage cos it doesn't have comestibles to munch on and half watching a liverpool versus olympiakos whatever on a big screen. they don't look interested but who'd be. whatever. it is like 12am. wee hours of the morning and i'm going crazy 'cos we had to wait half an hour for our fashionably later tour director. who, incidentally, bears a striking resemblance to randall tan, the television face. well. there are people in the lounge staring openly at me now and i feel uncomfortable cos i've been at the computer way too long but as i said it wasn't my fault since the freakin' things hanged on me. sigh. sigh. sigh. the flight's in an hour or so - SIA flight. yay. krisflyer. haha. anyway gotta go. soon. boarding time already? or are my parents just being over anxious. you know my dad. hey, in case anyone needs to contact me urgently you guys can call me at 96814941. i'd prefer you sms but if its really urgent, and i mean URGENT, then call me. identify yourselves though. and if anyone wants anything from europe then leave a tag on my tag board and i'll try to attend to that request. no outrageous and preposterous demands like hot guys though cos i'll be taking them for myself. HAHA KIDDING. told you i'm a little crazy. and there are people shouting a foreign language behind me now i hope its not something about how long this girl has been using the computer but oh well. sigh. call it sensitivity. in the past month i have - been to nickelodeon for an audition - i have a feeling even if i make the cut for the role they won't cast me anyway cos they don't know i'm going away and filming was supposed to be on saturday but never mind. long story it is. my birthday was yesterday. haha. wow. anyway shan't elaborate really gotta RUN LIKE HELL TO THE BOARDING PLACE WHEREVER THAT IS gate F37?! LIKE what the?! never mind. posted x'mas cards, people should be receiving them soon. oh if you don't get one its either i don't know your address or i didn't have time to finish writing them. ahh . okay. sheesh everyone is looking at me now and i'm only exaggerating a bit. dad is rushing me. later. when i'm in europe! haha. cya all . merry christmas, with love.

The Christmas ghosts of past, present and future

2004-11-21T16:30:00.000+08:00

I feel like kicking myself in the gut. Rest assured I will perform the aforementioned task right after posting this post. SIGH.

The cause of my distress - my ineptitude and disorientedness, especially when the situation calls for the opposite. See, I was with my sister at Takashimaya yesterday.. this Zara shop or whatever it was. Yeah. Walked in the front door and came face-to-face with Olinda Cho. And clueless me went: "Who the hell?". My sister shot an urgent whisper: "It's Olinda Cho.." Me: "Oh. Really. How nice." Then just gave her a blank stare. Then it kicked in and I was like. GOSH WHY DIDN'T I GET AN AUTOGRAPH. By that time, needless to say, she'd walked off after giving me a weird look. Sigh. I can't believe I was such an idiot. Ahh..

As for what I'm doing now.. I'm rotting away at home. There's seriously nothing to do. Funny how we miss school when it's the hols and dread it during term. Well. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sigh. Just bought Clay Aiken's Merry Christmas With Love Christmas Compilation. It's alright I guess, very traditional in a sense. Personally I prefer the tracks Mary, Did You Know and Don't Save It All For Christmas Day .. well at least they touch on how X'mas is not all joy. I mean I'm not being a killjoy here but X'mas is a time of giving. Sadly it's become too commercialized.. y'know, the true spirit of Christmas.. has been abrogated. Never mind. I'm so glad Band Aid 20's coming out soon.

Do they know it's Christmas.. do those poverty-stricken slums know it's Christmas? Have they experienced the anticipation of Christmas goodies and festivities to come? Have they gaily ripped wrapping paper apart to the sight of their desired gifts? Have they chewed on a Christmas candy cane or sat on Santa's lap? Maybe if they had the slightest semblance of Santa in the abstruse locations they reside in, away from civilization, or the faintest idea of a season of giving, they'd importune Santa for sacks of rice to tide them over the famine. Maybe. These kids'll probably cling to anyone. Anyone kind enough to offer them comestibles is Santa. Just think of all those kids out there... it's enough to shred my heartstrings. I'm not trying to dampen the holiday spirit, lest some parochial minions harbour with dissatisfaction the thought, but just well shedding some light on the neglected masses. Everyone knows the constant adage about being thankful for having food on the table. Tell me how many people actually appreciate and take that at face value? We're like. Such a bunch of losers. Even myself. I can whine about disliking hawker fare when some people out there don't even have anything to eat, much less chicken rice for the third consecutive meal. I'm seriously just so ashamed of my actions. I think everyone else should be too. I know I'm normally quite a jovial person, but for those who might disregard these with merely a glance and half-hearted laugh, this I say - do you have a conscience? We've lived in the lap of luxury for way too long. I wish I could do something to alleviate their suffering.. When I was a kid, maybe 9 or so, I was at this church camp, their kids section. At the end of the camp they enlightened us on the suffering of many worldwide - famine, drought, natural disasters et al. Guess most of the kids weren't listening but I was. And yes, I took it on a personal note. When we wrote of our dreams for the future and hopes for the world, I remember scribbling something about wanting world peace, no famines, droughts, no natural disasters, no more.. no more suffering. The camp facilitator came to look me up after that. I recall running away from her, guess I was shy and all. I do know she caught me though, and said something like "When you grow up, can you promise me that you'll do something about those?" I nodded.

5 years on, that promise is coming back to haunt me. Every time I see pictures of malnourished children I have to look away. One has to ask oneself why one was born with a silver spoon in one's mouth. Why am I so blessed? I haven't done anything to deserve everything I have today. A roof over my head, a wonderful family, a good education, a high standard of living and never having to worry about my next meal.

Don't get so busy that you miss
Giving just a little kiss
To the ones you love
Don't even wait a little while
To give them a little smile
A little is enough

How many people are crying
People are dying...
How many people are asking for love

Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

How could you wait another minute
A hug is warmer when you're in it
And Baby that's a fact
And saying "I love you's" always better
Seasons, reasons, they don't matter
So don't hold back

How many people in this world
So needful in this world
How many people are praying for love

Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

Let all the children know
Everywhere that they go
Their whole life long
Let them know love
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

What are you going to do this Christmas? Indulge in rich log cakes, frolick in the ersatz snow at various shopping centres with gay abandon, marvel at the discounts thrust forward this holiday season, uncover presents galore under that coruscating Christmas tree, hum a Christmas carol under your breath? Why not just stop for a second and ponder the fate of those far less fortunate, will you?

Kerry

the class chalet

2004-11-13T17:37:00.000+08:00

Firstly, to answer the naysayers like a certain Nerissa Assudani, I shall clarify that I was exhausted because i didn't get much sleep during the entire course of the chalet. Try that yourself and see what happens to you once the frissons of adrenaline die down. It's easier said than done, alright.

Just a quick summary of the happenings at the chalet.

First day - met Yirui for lunch at Singpost. Chatted for a bit then went to White Sands Shopping Centre with Mei Hsin where we bought the comestibles for the BBQ the next day. Proceeded to the chalet in a taxi. The chalet was yes, atrociously unkempt. Wrappers strewn everywhere, the beds not made - in one word, FILTHY. Ugh. We demanded a change of unit and were shown a few others, either too cramped/messy, before we finally settled on one that looked and smelled decent. Haha. Set our stuff down, then Wen Shan, Samuela, Samantha and I went off to Pasir Ris Park, where we cycled for awhile. Samantha's an idiot, lol. She cycled downhill! Gosh. President of the Retard Gang, I salute you. Thank goodness I had Samuela. She couldn't ride then, but yay she learnt to on the second day! Along with Xiangrui and Samantha. Just call me the Master Trainer, won't you? Haha. Kiddin'! Kelly Koh helped too. Kudos to her. Yeah. After cycling we flew a kite! The old man at the provision stall was really nice! He helped us fix our kite (which was an idiot proof one by the way. Oh and an octopus-proof one at that so Shan and I couldn't screw it up.. haha) and waited till it took flight 'coz we were clueless as to how to use it, we were running around trying to get it in the air like a bunch of headless chickens. Lol. Yeah. In the end we did get it up and fluttering in the wind. And very far indeed! We used 200 yards of string, which is really something. Our success led 4 other customers to the provision stall! The uncle must've been so pleased. We're the success story! Sad to say however the kite got itself tangled in a tree during its descent. Sigh. It's not down yet, I think. Wonder if we'll see it there a year from now. Sigh. A lot can happen in 365 days.

Yep so after that we headed for Downtown East with Yirui, Xiangrui and a few of the guys. We had some Hotplate stuff, whatever it is. Was alright I guess, not that appetizing though. The guys really had us tickled with their Buddhist chants (since we were saying grace). Haha. My dear 2CR. Went bowling after that, where I sucked big time. Partially 'cos I hadn't gone bowling since the Stone Age, yeah. Yirui did well. And we thrashed the guys. SOUNDLY. HAH.

Returned to the chalet. Snacked on stuff. And stayed up! LATE. I think most of us only got to sleep around 6AM. I slept, technically, at 3AM. Samuela, Xiangrui and I found cosy spots in the bedroom upstairs and tried in vain to drift off to sleep, but were constantly disturbed by the uninhibited laughter coming from the motley crowd downstairs. We hurled waterbottles at them from a window on the second floor but hey they didn't quieten down so we dragged ourselves downstairs, clutched pillows and went to sleep amidst the lively conversation. It was pretty interesting I must admit. I was there till about 2.45AM that morning listening to them read the love lives of various people. Divination, is that what'cha call it? Yeah. It's like they lay four suites, each King is given a name. Mine were Yirui, James Choo, Xiangrui and Teck Ian. ERRR. okay. Guess what my love life's supposed to be like. I like James. SECRETLY. And my first kiss - Xiangrui I think. Oh gosh. Can't remember the rest but I know Yirui was totally out of the picture. Surprising, 'cos I asked "Who among this 4 will always be my best friend, no matter what?" I was expecting it to be Yirui but it turned out to be Xiangrui, who's supposed to be my future lover. Ack. Can't foresee it now but who knows. Hey Xiangrui, wanna go to bed together tonight? Haha.

Yeah so I fell asleep for a bit after that. Edna roused from her slumber, or at least we thought she had. Her eyes were open and she looked around, but she wasn't conscious/awake at least. She wasn't responsive either. The guys wanted to slap her! So mean. And they were going on about how she'd grope around for Sean. Thankfully Sean was upstairs tormenting Samantha, Shan and Woonyee, telling them bedtime stories. Haha. Sean, you comedian. Seriously, Edna's scary with her eyes open while she's still sleeping in actuality. Gosh. Freaky.

At around 5 plus they decided to go catch the sunrise. Xiangrui Eunice Samuela and I were dead beat so we decided to head upstairs to catch up on some beauty sleep.

Second day - Yeah. Slept till around 850AM when I was crudely shaken awake by Samuela and company who were ravenous and wanted Burger King breakfasts. After a lot of procrastination and whining and laziness I hauled myself outta bed. Which was HARD, I admit. Sigh. Washed up and all and went to BK for breakfast. I shared a burger with Shan, and Iced Milo and the like. We'd about finished when Xiang rui's meal arrived (took the counter staff a heck of a long time, they should go employ more staff or something - serious dearth of manpower at the Downtown East BK outlet!) So we waited for him to finish and went cycling. AGAIN. With Kelly Koh this time. The guys went cycling for a good 2 hours while we were having our breakfasts. Gosh. Cycling on empty stomachs? Man. Guys will be guys.

Yirui joined us later on. Went to Fishermen's Village and the Pasir Ris park playground, where Yirui told me the slide wasn't scorching hot! GRR. Let's just say I'm gullible. Sigh. Taught Samantha Samuela and XR to cycle. Boy am I proud of myself. And Samantha - she still can't do the turn! (at the carpark where we were teaching them) Sigh. And she was trying so desperately to prove it to us, but she failed every time! Haha. She did manage to get us to witness it later though. Good job! haha. Yeah. We didn't take lunch, 'coz we weren't hungry and stuff. Headed back to the chalet where we played UNO Stacko and set punishments involving certain people. Haha. Samantha.. this girl's such an idiot man.. haha. Each time we warned her not to pull a tile out 'coz it was quite OBVIOUS that the whole tower'd drop, she'd protest and go "I just want to try what.." . Then the whole tower'd fall and she'd grab and blanket and start hitting herself with it, whining all the while. Sigh.. that girl.. haha. And yes, I'm a bona fide piece of squid, or sotong.
I placed a tile on top of the tower after painstakingly wrenching it out (the tower was darn unstable by then) , used too much force, and BOOM. All my effort - gone down the drain. SIGH. Oh for clumsiness. Shan didn't fare too badly though. Haha.

I carried out my punishment with great discomfort, needless to say. I hit the jackpot! Had to go up to Woonyee, Khang Leng, Miao Ru and Edna and tell them straight in the face that they were less than the epitome of beauty - UGLY. Sorry, no offence guys! Please don't take umbrage, it was just a forfeit! Sorry if i offended you guys! All in the name of fun, yeah?

Yep. After that Samuela Samantha and Xiangrui went to try out their new-found bicycle-riding skills out AGAIN, they bounded off to the bicycle rental shop. The owners must know us now! Lol. We visited so often. And gave them so much business! :)

In the meantime, the rest were downstairs talking, the guys playing mahjong and strip poker (I think!) and all those card games. Yirui and I decided to nap 'coz we wanted to stay up the entire night that day. Needless to say we got a lot of funny remarks and stares (if anyone did, I was sleeping) and the like. ARGH. WE WERE JUST SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM MAN! And we didn't even share the blanket. LOL. on different mattresses. Besides, I wouldn't do that sort of thing! Haha. LOL. Was quite funny though when Li Yan and company barged in. Basically I had a throbbing headache so I didn't hear much. Except Qinyi's piercing scream "Yirui and Kerry're sleeping together!" - in Mandarin. Gosh that jolted me outta my slumber. Qinyi!! Argh.

Went to cheers after I got up. Bought last minute essentials for the BBQ. Skip to the BBQ. Mr. Tan came. Yeah. And he was teased mercilessly by us. Guess we just love making fun of him. Hah. But it was really mushy and all. Yuck. Sick. Guess we just talked crap. We were supposed to go bowling later, Yirui Xiangrui and the rest, but Yirui didn't feel well so we left first. Tan decided to be nice and sent us to Downtown East in his car. I remember yakking about copulation. Haha. Part of our efforts to get him into the spirit of procreation! And we found out he'd like a daughter.. hmm. Yirui, heard that? Step it up man! Haha.

So we went bowling. Again. My wrists fulminated against the decision but I forced them into submission, though the pain gnawed at me. Oww. By the time the 2 games were up my wrists were about dead. Haha.

So we went back after that. Didn't manage to sleep 'coz JAMES CHOO was rolling around near me and kicked me! ARGH. and he stole my pillow while unconscious. Eek. Needless to say I bounded downstairs, grabbed a pillow and curled up in a corner of the hall and slept there while Yirui and the guys played cards through the night. Talk about endurance!

Yep. Went back the next day, Wednesday morning, utterly enervated. I slept 8 straight hours when I got back. I'm not the exception okay! I bet everyone did too. Sigh. Tiring as always but tremendously fun. Our last times together as a class... Goodness knows when we'll see everyone together again like that... sigh. Oh great i'm tearing up again.

Oh and did I mention that I saw Olivia Pek too! Haha. Class chalet as well. We're fated. Lol.

Kerry

Exhaustion

2004-11-11T14:01:00.000+08:00

Hey all. I hope you guys can sense the lethargy in this post, and forgive me if the sheer perusal of this post makes for languor in its purest form. My brain cells have long succumbed to the vice-like grip of exhaustion. My aching limbs dangle limply by my side as my head finds comfort in the reclining chair I nestle myself in. I abhor movement, as each twitch of a finger sends shockwaves up my nerves. They're painful. Such is the consequence of thinking one can survive 48 hours with little rest, if any. Medication does not help, and cerebral matter throbs with an ineffable ferocity.

So this is what fatigue feels like. Make that extreme fatigue.

Despite my obvious enervation, I shall proceed to update you on the events of the past few days. Boy, have they been exhilarating. And yes, real tiring. There's a price to pay for everything I guess. But I'd spend another 3 days on an adrenaline high in a heartbeat. No hesitation whatsoever. Those 3 days were probably the last we'd spend as a class, a collective unit. Already some of us are beginning to pull away, distancing ourselves from the entity that is 2 Courage. It's only natural I guess. That was why the usually petulant me was able to tolerate perpetual irritants such as James Choo for the course of the chalet stay. I don't mind getting riled if it's for the last time. Come to think of it, my responses to all those taunts have become ingrained in the crevices of my memory already.

Oh wait. I feel sick. Cold sweat's breaking out on my forehead. Sigh. Alright the rest'll come later. As and when I feel okay. Sigh.

Kerry

the US presidential elections

2004-11-03T17:26:00.000+08:00

bah, humbug. As everyone probably knows by now, George Bush's likely to win the US presidential election today. Sigh. I guess it's God's will so Man shouldn't tamper with it. What enrages me is the sheer absurdity of news reports. Talk about history repeating itself. It happened with the 2000 elections and it's happening now. Every news station is reporting a different scenario with regard to the vote counts. Ohio's in turmoil. Oh no. Realistically speaking New Mexico and Ohio could still go to John Kerry. Ohio may be a bit far-fetched but in New Mexico, Kerry's trailing by less than a thousand. Hold Ralph Nader culpable. That guy has siphoned votes from the Democrat especially, enough to win a key swing state. What's the logic behind running independently for President? It's not even practical. Not many people really know who Ralph Nader is except that he's another one of those mouthing off about the presidency. And Ralph Nader's only on the ballot cards in 30 states. Pathetic isn't it. But at least he'd rather John Kerry win. Well I've been following the election today since 6AM Singapore time when counting first commenced and I must say it's been one heck of a roller-coaster ride. Geez.

I shouldn't really be concerned with American politics - I mean, the only thing that affects Singapore from the US is foreign policy. If I'm not wrong, John Kerry wants to quit outsourcing and bring jobs back to America. Not a bad thing considering Bush's record of job losses in key states. In Cleveland, Ohio, the job deficit's the largest it's been in years. Gosh. Well, just the main issues on why I think John Kerry deserves a victory, even if he loses tonight -

1. John Kerry's more decisive than Bush. This is not a sweeping statement, as many of you might accuse me of. Bush's policies have proven ineffective from time to time. A change of leadership would push the US dollar up, boosting the economy, while enabling a Democratic Government to make clear decisions to lead the people in this modern era of uncertainty.

2. I don't believe Bush has the credentials to lead America through another 4 years. He's made loads of mistakes in his 4 year reign at the helm. True, you'd say no man is infallible - but come to think of it, one should admit one's mistakes. The general consensus in America is that the war in Iraq wasn't justified. I concur. George Bush rushed into things without first consulting the head body - the UN. Impulsiveness breeds a host of ramifications, the most significant of which being the colossal loss of human lives. Estimates put the civilian toll in Iraq at 100 000, while reports of American soldiers dying surface in the papers every day. What more needs to be said. George Bush is trying to hold up a facade of unity. Sadly, it isn't working. I mean, I think he'd have more support if he'd just swallowed a piece of humble pie and admitted his foibles. But no, his supercilious attitude won't allow for it. Of course, I'm not painting John Kerry as a perfect individual, but I believe America will flourish under his leadership.

3. My mom supports George Bush. It's so evident who she supports from the way she talks, even as she tries fervently to persuade me otherwise. She's been slamming Kerry because of his supposedly 'soft' approach to terrorism. I beg to differ. What with John Kerry being soft? Since Bush's anti-terrorism campaigns aren't exactly the most successful of all, why not let Kerry have a shot? Bush has been going cold turkey since the 911 attacks, I know, but what's with Osama Bin Laden's latest tape? Well, remember the anthrax scare? Security in the US is lax, however you want to put it. They've tried to tighten it but still. Cracks remain.

4. George Bush has single-handedly extirpated America's reputation globally. America, the land of the liberal, is turning strangely conservative. Screwed thinking, you'd holler at me, but if you ask me - ask the world what it thinks of America now. Selfish, egocentric, self-centred, meretricious - seeming attractive but in actuality not? America's no longer the big brother of the world. Superpower? Nah. No one shudders when the US is mentioned. North Korea isn't intimidated. Look at Pyongyang. You think they care if the US warns them not to unleash their nuclear might on the world? Instead, it's Pyongyang which has shot the US a minatory warning to back off, or else. Need I elucidate further? Respect for America as a whole has dwindled.

5. George Bush doesn't deliver what he promises. If you read the papers, George Bush has been promising radical revamps in education, manufacturing, to name a few. The Americans were so full of optimism then, given their new President. Now, that optimism has become a thing of the past. More than half the US public schools nationwide failed the test. What test? Monetary stability and the capability of providing a holistic education. So, schools in certain states had to cut costs by reducing class sizes and cutting down on aesthetics such as Art, Music and Gym classes? What's with this? A screwed education system. "No Child Left Behind". Yeah, right. Shuttling children from school to school just so that 'quality can be maintained' isn't going to work. Some children were transferred from one 'failing' school to another. How beneficial is that to the nation's youth? George Bush said fund-raising activities raised $700,000 for schools in a state (Can't remember exactly which, Iowa or Nevada I think) to prevent schools from closing down due to a lack of funds. In reality, there were 1000+ schools, so each school only received about $700? Do the math.

Ah. My shoulders are aching. I think I'll stop here. I probably have at least 10 more solid reasons why George Bush shouldn't be re-elected, I wish Americans would just come to their senses and not vote blindly. I mean, I know some are staunch Republicans and Democrats, but oh well. Their future is in their hands.

With the above, I'm not trying to state the point that John Kerry's perfect, he certainly isn't. Everyone will committ mistakes during their tenure in an official position. Also, should John Kerry assume the presidency, he'll have a lot of outstanding issues to settle that've been left in the wake of George Bush. (His flawed policies which have caused much distress among the American people). George Bush has done America a world of good these last four years, as well as taken a combative stand against terrorism, but alas - I don't believe in the statement, when something's working, don't change it. (Or whatever the statement originally was). George Bush has also done America injustice, for he speaks for the Americans without first listening to them. I believe John Kerry will. So there. That's my analysis. John Kerry, because ultimately, a leopard never changes its spots. George Bush, the chameleon-like character he is, blowing hot and then cold the next moment when it comes to epoch-making decisions, will lead America to another four years of uncertainty and turmoil. This is vaguely related to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle - the more accurately you know the speed and mass of a particle (atom), the more you'll never know it's exact location. To put it in context with this election, George Bush knows there's something wrong with America now. But he's just fumbling around in the dark, taking potshots at people everyday, even attacking John Kerry ad hominem. A personal attack. He doesn't know exactly what's wrong with America. And the facade's beginning to crumble. America should look to Kerry to revitalize an ailing economy that hasn't thrived under the leadership of George Walker Bush, junior.

Oh my gosh. Did I just slam Bush and comment on US policies like that? Argh.

I'd say a lot more but my head is spinning from the blasting of the television set (tuned in to channel 14 CNN now where're they're still reporting), blaring radio and computer screen. So there. Whoever wins tonight, I wish them well. Believe me, I bear no ill grudges against Bush.

Anyway, even if John Kerry loses, he can still be very proud of his Democrat party and his campaign as a whole. To emerge of obscurity earlier this year, perhaps in March thereabouts, relatively (no, virtually) unknown and to capture 48-49 percent of the popular vote and lose by a few electoral votes in one of the closest races for the White House ever is really something. I mean, Bush has been around for the longest time, surely he'd have more time to persuade people (voters). For John Kerry to have half the nation backing him and cheering him after just a few months of campaigning is truly remarkable. Kudos to that guy, man.

It's all in God's hands now.

Kerry.

dedicated to 2cr

2004-11-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

To 2 Courage '04

Samuela - my dear sister in Christ. I really treasure all the gospel talks and prayers we used to share, and of course, all your ranting about teachers and everything. Remember our Home Economics lessons? Thanks for being a great partner and eating what Teck Ian forced us to! Oh yes, our Literature play - that was by far the best project I've done, I think. Meowmeowmeow! Miss Tybalt... good kitty. Our cheesecake will be the best 'coz we made it. I hold that true. Continue to work hard Sam, I pray that God will watch over you and comfort you when I can't be there for you. I'd like to, and you can always call me - I promise I'll listen even if it's two in the morning. I love you loads Sam, please don't forget me, or I'll hurl blueberry cheesecakes and dead fish at you. God bless.

Wenshan - my fellow disoriented octopus (or squid). Don't be such a klutz sometimes, alright? Thanks for listening to me and all my opinions, some of which were very subjective, I know. Thanks for acting like a total idiot sometimes, 'coz I need company. I love you loads. We need to keep the octopus legacy alive.

Mei Hsin - my flag-raising ceremony partner, thanks for all your blank stares! Sometimes I think you're either faking it or you're really that unresponsive. Miss Maria! And I swear by it, you sure do resemble a domestic help when you pose with a broom, no offence! I remember that Music project. Hsin-duck, you'd better acknowledge Psyduck. Or it'll unleash it's blinding stare on you. Hmph. In spite of your constant disobedience and refusal to help your fellow duck, I still love you too.

Zhiying - BOO! dots... I'll miss you, Miss BOO - go get yourself a ghost costume! You aren't scary any longer! (Hey, doesn't that mean I'll need a costume with dots). I'll always treasure the times we spent in Bangkok, Thailand. I'm sorry I took so long to direct you to Pratunam Market, my directional sense is horrible! I remember those little tins we bought at this departmental store, I've found a way to utilise it. Have you? I want those photos we snapped in Thailand! Oh yes, and keep that attitude of yours alive. Y'know, that 'don't-mess-with-me' attitude. Try that on guys who try to get fresh with you. But when you find your Prince Charming, don't, or he'll be scared silly. Take care, BOO, and remember our 'Boo, dots...' chant. We'll try that on everyone we know. I love you.

Khang Leng - Thanks for leading the class and being part of the Octopus gang! Will never forget the times we stayed back in school doing projects. I'd go all high, remember, like I was on drugs or something. We all did, didn't we? My dear sister-in-Christ, I'll be here whenever you need me. Sounds cliched I know, but all life experiences revolve around cliches anyway. I love you too. God bless.

Sook Yui - Let me make this official and set the record straight. I am NOT depressed. Alright, so vanquish that thought from the crevices of your imagination. So there. You should stop denying you're a part of the duck family 'coz we'll still acknowledge you anyway! Thanks, yeah, for putting up with my balderdash, I know sitting opposite me in class must be hard. Thanks for all the sarcastic jibes and sardonic quips, you can take over my role as Chief of Sarcastic Mutterings next year. Just make sure you compensate me for loss of reputation, if any. Hah. So there, you disoriented baby angel. I love you, Sok-duck.

Christal - Ah, another one. Chris-duck, you've stolen my english words time and time again, it's payback time! hahahaa.. thanks for listening to me ramble on about English words and their origins, and also fantasizing and making up crude stories of Sok-duck's alleged slashing of wrists. Remember the music project in which we made those idlers get to work while we ourselves hogged the computer for leisure? Haha. I love you, Chris-duck, and I'll make sure I torment you in the MEP next year. You'll never get peace with me playing the piano! Hah. So there.

Junping - I kinda regret not getting to know you better, but I thank God for my second chance at TJC. Sigh. You and Nally make one formidable team. Robbing me of my precious wallet and cell phone and trying to steal my hair clip! TSK. I'll banish the angel to the depths of Hell. Nah , just kidding. Where'd you get so much energy to keep that smile permanently plastered on your face? And who could ever forget those elastic cheeks... Hey, I love you too, and it's not just because of those cheeks. Bounce away...

Kelly Koh - animal lover! I'll maul Ricky some day.. *evil laugh*. Nah, I wouldn't want to see you cry would I? Maudlin... that's the word. Effusively sentimental girl. Sigh. I'll remember all the times you cried in class 'coz of a single mention of abuse towards animals. It's great you have a heart of compassion. Continue to strive hard my fellow retarded dolphin, and I'm sure you'll excel in anything you do, including looking retarded. Hah. Remember the Da Vinci Code and all that speculation about Christ. I pray that God'll show you his magnificence and glory, and that you'll learn to trust in Him and look to Him as your source of strength. God loves you and so do I.

Kelly Koo - my Octopus chief! You're by far the worst of all, aren't you? Geez, I never knew of someone who could push a door that had the sign 'pull' on it. Tsk. I bet Wenshan and I caught the bug from you. It hasn't left us since. You... ah well. Thanks for trying to rip my NJC envelope open! D'you know how much trouble you nearly got me into?! Haha. I love you miss octopus! Please try to wisen up a little next year and not fall prey to others looking to take advantage of your gullibility! Cheers, and god bless.

Miao Ru - my desk partner. Thanks for sharing all those anecdotes about your family, I really enjoyed listening to you complain about your brother. And I still think your parents are REALLY young! Sigh. I don't think you'll hear the end of this for ages.. not even in TJC... you shouldn't have told me that, I'll harp on it. Thanks for putting up with my bombastic language and marking my English compositions. Thanks for putting up with my hand constantly invading the boundaries of your table and knocking your pen off course. Sorry for borrowing your stuff like there's no tomorrow too! I've bought foolscap paper already. Oh, and for the help with Chinese - I don't think I'd have survived Chinese lessons without you. Thanks, my fellow octopus, and I know you'll do well in the LEP next year. I love you, and I can't imagine life without my living Chinese dictionary!

Woon Yee - crow! Get away from me, I don't want to catch that bird influenza of yours. You highly dangerous crow who can morph into a female ghost in an instant. I'll never forget that spine-chilling 'Kerry...' . Oh gosh. You'll get it someday Woon Yee. Thanks for agonizing with me over our TJC applications, and setting up our professional consultations for those attending the TJC IP interviews. Hah. We should've made a few quick bucks off them. Love you crow! Remember to stop harassing me.

Samantha - Princess Samantha, is this post too low-down for you? Would you like it coloured, every word a different shade of royalty? Haha. Kidding, giraffe. I still think your smile's one of a kind - just cover your teeth when you do, 'coz they make you look like Ronald Susilo. And that's not necessarily a good thing... Being a perfectionist has its pros and cons.. just try to be a little more flexible next time, alright? Pity we only started growing closer towards the end of school, president of the Retarded gang. Stay retarded, 'coz I love you just the way you are. And please forgive me for killing Chloe. I didn't mean to! *innocent look*

Li Yan - Loyalty to the brothel! TSK. How could you? I mean, Geylang is a red-light district, you don't go there unless you're looking for.. Never mind. I shall let bygones be bygones. I pray God'll continue to guide you in everything you do, and that He'll make a way for you. God loves you beyond measure. Just remember that. Oh yeah, and when I'm gone, I'm trusting you with the responsibility of telling female teachers they're...

Qin Yi - who kicked Jerome's kid brother? Oh man, that was a good one. Just to say I really enjoyed the times when you'd scribble love notes to Jerome-0 in private when you thought I wasn't looking. Sad to say, I have the vision of a near-sighted eagle and supersonic hearing, if you exclude my auditory processing disorder. Haha. Continue loving Sylvester Sim, I promise I'll vote for him if he makes it to the final two. Which is probably not going to happen... okay, okay, don't come after me with a sledgehammer and baton, I surrender! I love you! And so does God! May he watch over you and keep you safe, and I pray he'll show you the light when the waters seem murky. God bless.

Edna - what the devil, you little rascal... geez. You intelligent little girl. Work hard and do this English nut proud! You can always consult me if you have a question with regard to English... haha. Take care my friend. I love you. Oh wait. Sean had better not see this. *gulp*

Shalyn - don't know you that well but hey - take care yeah? i'll miss you.

Stephanie - geez, kelly and you're in the washroom so often, I keep thinking something's not right. Don't you dare touch my senior octopus! And thank you so much for screaming in class. My eardrums! They hate you. But I don't. Thanks for being the eccentric kid that you always are and cheers to four more years in TJC! I'm sure there're cute guys there too.

Nally - stray puppy I'm not. YOU are. Stop denying it, okay. You'll be the only one of the brood of stray canines left after I've left for another basket, so just accept it. Haha. Thanks for ganging up with Junping, really. You two... I don't know whether to get mad at you guys or chortle. Irritating but adorable. What can I say? Keep smiling, continue to aim for academic excellence (as if you haven't achieved that already - hmph) and take care! God bless!

Xin Ying - geez. Man, you're quiet. You should open up a bit more. I know I've been a little too sarcastic to you at times, sorry about that. You know me, the ever caustic English rep. Truth is, I wouldn't have chased you had you been a good girl and handed up your English homework punctually. Goodness gracious me. But all in all, thanks for all the little moments we had and yes, I did have fun chasing you for English homework! Take care! I'll miss you.

Eunice - yes Eunice. You should know you make me bristle with anger and frustration sometimes, literally. Tone down a little, you're one hyperactive kid. Not to mention your Japanese's excellent too. Oh yeah, and give that Chinese speaking campaign of yours up. I won't be babbling away in fluent Chinese any time soon. I promise I'll try to speak more of the language, though. Will miss your high-pitched voice and the times we went for our 3rd language classes together. Take care.

Kai Ting - Kai-duck... I'll really miss your antics. Though we don't get together much, I enjoyed the Music projects we did over the past two years. Do try to speak more English though. Heh. I'll come back and book you! I love you kai-duck, in the duck sense! Don't forget that.

Alice - thanks for lending me your stationery, especially your stapler, in class. Sorry Miao Ru and I used your stapler so extensively... stationery shop! Go re-stock and I'll be back next year to visit often!

Jia He - what's with your prowess in History?! You freak. And you're not the model student so quit it! You're a model bridge player though. Impart some of your skills to me. We've gotta get together for Bridge night again!

Teck Ian - oh boy. I admit, you've cheesed me off many a time. Thanks a lot for making me and Samuela do almost everything in Home Economics last year. Thanks for all the godly talks and all, no matter how absurd some of them were. And please stop trying to imitate Ms. Yee's slang! It sounds really... ersatz. Ack, take care my brother-in-christ.

James Choo - argh. You... stop insisting that I'm a tomboy! I'm trying to shed that image alright? You'll see a different me next year. And James Choo in long pants.. I'm still trying to conjure that image up. I bet you'll be a mathematician when you grow up. Can you teach me Math? My math grades never seem to improve. Sigh.

Xiang Rui - you little virtuoso, you're such an arty-farty kid. do drink more Grow milk! I'm sure you'll shoot up in no time. Thanks for putting up with all my very risible antics. Come to think of it, we've done tons of projects together haven't we? Sigh. And by the way, God answers prayers! Alright. I remember your 'Guanyin' stuff so vividly... sigh. Xiangrui, or Justin, I'll miss you terribly. My dear little retarded cat. I'll miss your mews and your prancing around the class with gay abandon. Do continue to give your best in the theatrical arts (You'll join the likes of Dwayne Tan in the not so far future, I'm positive about that) and remember I'll always be there for you! If you need help with make-up, I can try... Continue loving Disney and crooning that rendition of 'A Whole New World'. Yeah, and Clay still rocks. I love you Xiang Rui, for all that you are, and all that you're not. Thank you for two very entertaining years. The livewire of 1CR/2CR 03-04.

Haoran - alright. I'll be frank. I don't talk to you much besides collecting English homework, blame it on my reluctance to speak Chinese and my consequent limitation of Chinese vocabulary. Hey, I don't think you'll read this but who knows? Please take care.

Zongze - hey there. I didn't really like sitting in front of you at first but I've realised that God gave me all the help I needed in Chinese. Kelly Koh, Miao Ru, Ke-Cheng and you in the vicinity. Anyhow, thanks for listening to me when I had that much to say about that major irritant sitting two seats away from you. God bless.

Ke-cheng - face it. You're pretty irritating. But anyhow. I still think you can be a nice person if you want to. So be a nice person and I'm sure people'll take to you like bees do to honey. Thanks for all the books you lent me about consciousness and the human mind. all those psychology stuff was darn interesting. Never knew you were that sort of person. Take care.

Mao Sheng - STOP TEASING ME ABOUT you-know-who. We're friends, alright. Don't ruin that friendship of ours with your incessant chirping. Geez. Oh well. All the best in your future endeavours. One word of advice - pride comes before a fall.

Melvin - Don't really know you that well but I guess you play basketball? Well keep at it, I know you can do anything you set out to do. Sitting near you this year was both a blessing and a curse. You're kinda talkative too, at least in my opinion, so whoa - slow down yeah? Take care of yourself too.

Hon Boon - I don't see anything wrong with taking the bus 76 back home as well! I'll never forget the look on your face when I said 'hey, honboon' and you were like 'what're you doing here?!' goodness. loosen up, kid. don't think everything is about death and star wars and darth vader, i love star wars and jedis too but you don't have to write those in everyone's autograph books, right? do open up more in TJC. We'd love to see the social hermit come out of his shell. You're a pretty nice person, I'm sure that if you'd just let your personality shine through, you'd see a lot more in life. See you in TJC!

Sean - another model student. I'm sure Edna's real proud of you. Remember the Geography and History projects we did last year? You were 2CR's pride and joy and I'm sure you'll add colour to whichever class you land up in next year. That class's fortunate. Oh, and you can be the English whiz after Christal and I are gone. Work at it! Don't stress yourself out too much, yeah? Take care!

Ching Kee - continue with your chinese instrument. I'm still insanely jealous that you get paid beaucoup bucks to do what you love best. Sigh. We're the maniacs! You're my chicken so act like one. And we've gotta recruit new members in TJC.

Yi Yang - yeah, right about Kerry Watson. Need you have made such a big joke out of it? Geez. And I don't owe you anything - not even two bucks.

If you read the above, I think you'll realize I left someone out. That someone is Mr Heng Yirui.

Yirui - I can't find words for this. I'll really miss you my dear boy. All the times we shared, they were really so special to me. All the bus trips back home, to Tampines Mall, to Suntec City - I'll treasure those as much as I treasure you. I really don't want to let you go. I know this is selfish, but just thinking about it makes me start crying all over again. I love you just the way you are. I pray that God will lead you and that he'll guide you along the path he's chosen for you, that you will continue to strive for the best, because you deserve the best, Yirui. I'll always be there for you, even as physical distance separates us, I'll never forget this friendship of ours. I know I'll move on and find new friends, maybe even another Yirui in TJC, but no matter what, we'll still be friends forever. I can't imagine life without you, really, but I'll have to start seriously thinking about it. I'm sorry for all the times I took our friendship for granted. I pray God'll watch over you and bless you. Thank you for everything, Yirui. Jake, life will never be the same. I thank God for letting our paths cross, albeit only briefly. It's really inexplicable now that we're about to part. I want to tell you so much more, just as I want to tell every member of this class, but I can't find the words now. Maybe soon, but not now. God bless.

Whoa, that was long. 2CR, I still miss you guys like anything. We've gotta get that class chalet of ours organised soon. I don't mind helping out.

Inexplicably.

2004-10-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

Dear 2 Courage, class of 2004 -

Well, I don't think I have any tears left. Those feelings I held back, kept dormant since I knew of my IP admission cut themselves loose today. It's probably the first time I've cried so openly in school. I didn't mean to, but no one can help it when realization hits you like a bullet train at full speed. I was strolling into school today as usual, only that I asked my dad to drop me at the front gate. I wanted a last look, you see. Cast a glance at the stony gate and its association with the patrolling Mr. Soon we've all come to love (or loathe) during the course of our education in Chung Cheng High (Main). I didn't feel anything then. I guess I was walking particularly slowly, just taking all the sights and sounds in, 'coz I knew I'd never get to experience Assembly in its bona fide form ever again. Sounds mushy and maudlin I know, but if you were me, I think you'd feel the same way. Let's just say everyone was gambolling around, having a good time at Assembly while I was tearing up. In class, Samuela gave me a postcard with her wishes. Thanks, Samuela, and everyone else who gave us little mementos, they really do mean a lot to me. That was breaking point I guess, and my face just turned a shade of red. Wenshan and I rushed to the toilet. We were still alright then I guess, 'coz reality hadn't really sunk in yet. It was like any other typical Friday morning. Only this time it was different.

Yeah, we stuck around and took a few photos, still smiling. Still grinning. Not as though we were oblivious to the impending separation and our last hours in this fine school, but there's such a thing as denial. It's almost as if our separation from this school's like losing a loved one. Grief, Denial... I think we'll be facing a lot of those.

Proceeded to have our Chung Cheng Bian Bian Bian competition... this competition emulating this Japanese variety show with a twist. Okay I guess, the mood was still that of ecstasy, especially after our triumphs in the Amazing Race and Eco-friendly school. Headed for the canteen after that impossibly long period of time languishing in the stuffy Grand Auditorium, which I strangely enjoyed for once - no, enjoyed would be the wrong word, more like savoured. Sounds literature-ishly pedantic and banal, but yes, savoured. My last moments.

The canteen crowd was chaotic as usual, business for the vendors brisk. Samuela, Samantha, Xiang Rui, Wenshan and I tucked into Malay fare, as we've become so accustomed to doing. Samuela took the cutlery for us again, and that's when my eyes just screwed my whole self-admonishment up. It wasn't too obvious, but that's why my eyes were red after that. It wasn't because of sinus, as it normally is. I'll miss these trivial things my friends do for me. Little things which I've never really appreciated much. To all of you - thank you.

Our last assembly of all was the piece de resistance. All was fine as Mr. Yue maundered on about changes in the educational landscape and referred to us IP people a few times. I was thinking, y'know, okay, phew this isn't emotional. Then came the powerpoint I helped to design (in a way). The graduation powerpoint, tweaked for the secondary two students. No photo of us IP-ers, at least. And the music I helped to choose. Just pondering those and reminiscing was too much. I tried to hold them back, but as soon as Wenshan broke down outside the Lecture Theatre, I didn't try any longer. Feelings are best left in the open, not bottled up.

Back in class I busied myself with the cleaning of the classroom and tried not to dwell on it. Well, I failed. To those whom I promised that I wouldn't succumb to my emotions, I'm sorry I broke that promise.

After everything was dusted and done the report books were handed out. My grades were pretty alright - congratulations to Edna for topping the class. And to those whose grades aren't exactly the most desirable (like my math marks) - don't fret. I'm sure you guys'll get into a stream of your choice anyhow. Somehow those marks didn't matter anymore. Not just the relief of not having to face the dreaded prospect of streaming, but also - no matter what happens, I bet relations are better than a bunch of marks printed on paper.

I meant to go home right after school, but I stepped out to the ledge outside and took a last look at the school. This school, it's been my second home for two years now. Distancing oneself isn't easy. I mean, everyone was weeping and sobbing outside and I felt my exterior beginning to crumble, slowly but surely. When I waved goodbye to one of my friends from 2EP, that was when the waterworks turned themselves on. What made it worse was the fact that half the class was milling around outside sobbing their hearts out and hugging each other. Wenshan, the Idiot gang, Samuela, Xiang Rui, Yirui, Samantha... and a lot of other people. We regaled each other with stories, we reminisced about our puerile squabbles and the good ol' times where the end of 2CR seemed so obsolete. And yes, through it all, tears tears and more tears. I don't even think I was as emotional at my primary school graduation ceremony, serious. Like Wenshan mentioned, when we said bye to you guys today, it wasn't just the underlying 'see you tomorrow', but the true essence of the word 'bye'. This time, it's forever. Not essentially forever, but you all know what I mean by that.

Friendships are going to face tough times ahead, we're going to drift apart. Change is inevitable. I, too, wish 2 Courage could stay this way forever, for in spite of all the adversity and internal conflict within this class - it's still a fantastic class, that's what makes us so special. There's something unique about CR-ians, something I can't put a finger on. We're the class that's constantly making the headlines - no, we don't have the top students in the level (but we're still great academically anyway), DL does, but who cares? We're CR-ians and we're proud of it. We have great people and great teachers(with the exception of a few notable disgraced ones), what more could we ask for? Somehow all our little quarrels seem so inconsequential, so miniscule now. It's a big world out there. A harsh, draconian world. I don't think we're ready yet. But we'll have to be. Guess we all have to move out of our comfort zones. Even the people I've begrudged - I just want you guys to know that I don't hold your transgressions against you. I'll miss all of you guys. A lot. I know our friendships have been threatened many a time by circumstances beyond our control, but loads of good has come out of it too. When one's leaving, anything else seems so menial in comparison with the unknown ahead.

2CR, we're all going our separate ways now. Difficult as it is, I have to say goodbye to this fantastic class. True, our class is chaotic and all, but I still love it. Deep down inside, as much as I detest conflict and the like in a class, I still treasure this class beyond measure. I love all of you, and I mean it. I might have been a little too sarcastic during my tenure here as a student, and for that, I apologize. Also, to those who've tried to correct my shortcomings and foibles as a person, and all those trials you all put me through - thank you. Those were what moulded me as a person, enabled me to learn from my mistakes. Thank you, 2CR.

I hope when we meet again next year, as and when Fate and school committments intervene, there won't just be an awkward silence between all of us, I'd hate that. I know we'll never be as close as we used to be, the 38 of us, but please - can we all try to keep that CR spirit alive? I don't know, like I said, exactly what it is, but it's something special. I hope we can still talk and joke as before - I know we'll all find new friends and all, but please - let's all not forget the two beautiful years we spent together. I know I won't.

It'll be weird for all of us, I guess, Secondary 3 students, Upper secondary... In just a few months or less, that unimaginable scenario will become reality. We've gotta face it. I hate to say this too, but I know we'll all change in some way or another. Xiangrui might shoot up and Eunice might start dating a guy or something. (Note the INTERESTING combination of names here - one last laugh, CR. :) ) But well, what can I say, I just hope for the best. I love all of you, no matter what relationship I've had with each and every one of you, good or bad.

There's so much more I want to say, but as I sit typing this, the tears won't stop. Just looking at the class photo is too much to bear. I can't stop my tears, and they get worse every second. Now my nose is blocked.

I think the most painful thing about this is that we all know we'll drift apart. Things will never be the same again. A tired expression, but true. Impossible it may be, unrealistic this fantasy may appear to be - but I just wish we'd all stay the same, just the way we are now, forever. Forget the conflicts and personal prejudices, I want us all to stay the same.

2CR, once again, this is your English rep. speaking. I want to book all of you for uttering Chinese words. I want to chase you guys for English homework, just once more. I want to go 'um, its like' again. The academic year of 2004 ended but a mere 8 or so hours ago but I'm already feeling downright miserable. And upset. How am I going to survive the first few painful weeks next year without you guys? ... I've found bosom buddies here, people I've clicked with so well, my octopus gang, my retard-ee family, my duck family.. and everyone else. All those memories and experiences, I'll remember for eternity. Slap me if I ever dare forget.

I hope the class can come together just one last time for the class chalet, along with all our teachers. I promise we'll have the time of our lives, that we'll never forget, a tribute to the 2 CR of 2004.

To 2CR, I love you all. Always.

May God watch over all of you in everything you guys do. I'll be praying for you guys.

Signing off in tears still,
Kerry.

I'll have my dedications to each and every one of you up here in a few days when I have more time to post. This alone took me more than an hour, but it was worth it.

such bittersweet sorrow

2004-10-25T20:31:00.000+08:00

Please accept my profuse apologies with regard to this post, which yes, seems very uninspired, and is.

Sigh. It's been another one of those days. Those days one trudges back from the bus stop with an unshakeable feeling of nostalgia, of elegiac grief, as one reminisces and recollects the fragments of the past and rearranges them into a jigsaw puzzle of memories. Sure, they'll be battered here and there, torn and tattered, frayed slightly at the edges where conflict has reigned, albeit only temporarily. The grudges that remain buried are the jugsaw puzzles that don't seem to fit anywhere, no matter how hard one tries to trim the edges to accomodate the puzzle. Walking in solitude seems to clear one's mind a lot. You make sense of a lot of things you don't normally when you're alone, unadulterated by differing opinions. Sigh.

It's the last week of school. Officially. I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy. Well, I guess the only people who might evince a minute sense of felicity are the Secondary Ones. Sigh. Oh the days when we ran free and life was oh so simple. It's just not the same now. My dad says I should be a politician since I think so much. I've been pondering some of life's and society's tenets - racism, gender inequality and all those Literary Terms - what with renaissance, the Cold War and all. Goodness. I like philosophy, or at least I think I'm beginning to develop a liking for those thick books in which nonsensical phrases ( at least to the common man ) are spouted. Oh well.

I know each one (or nearly every one) of my posts on this weblog start off innocently enough as blithely recounts of my day, but as the posts progress, they evolve into a deeper sort of muse, like those really depressing ones. Not exactly depressed, but those ones in which there is a palpable sense of weltschmerz. World-weariness? Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly the right word. Can't summon that elusive word up now. My brain's wandering. Again. It went for a stroll in the park of Fantasy. And relax, I'm not about to have suicidal thoughts.

Speaking of suicidal thoughts, GABBY! Oh man. Gabby! Don't you dare do anything silly, alright? Paranoia should never inundate one's rumination to the extent in which delusion supersedes rationality. Ultimatum - don't do anything silly. And you know what I mean by silly. On a side note, I guess all us teenagers are prone to such periods of perceived worthlessness. Maybe it's just the raging hormones. Everyone doesn't take pains to conceal their hurt, but to those who do, this I ask - Why torture yourself when nothing good's going to come out of it? Sometimes it's better to let everything out. I'm speaking from experience, alright, so this declaration is founded. Has a basis. I mean, I had this really difficult transition from the little kid I was (and still act like occasionally) to well, the secondary school kid. It's just radical, really. One moment you're all for Pokemon and the next you're fantasizing over high school dramas. Well, that's stereotyping, 'coz I didn't go for the latest brands in fashion etc. i.e running to Giordano to check out their newest ranges of apparel et al, but I confess, I did change my mentality a little. Even now, I find myself disposing of those tee shirts I used to wear, those from the boys' section. Guess people can't be tomboys forever.

Anyhow, I shall cease to ramble of my random thoughts. Just a quick round-up of today. I am so proud of myself. I endured a somnolent hour of Shadow Puppetry, otherwise known as the very dulcet wayang. Had recess, during which I stuffed my poor stomach with food such that my intestines failed me and I was on the brink of a mad dash to the washroom on many occasions. Sigh. Thankfully the gastric pandemonium settled and yea, we were off to our various Workshops. As expected, I took Mime. (Can one fathom tone-deaf Kerry singing accapella? I think not.) (You wouldn't expect me to DANCE, would you?! I have two left feet, and that's not literally. I meant colloquial.) I'd contemplated joining Dance but well my self-consciousness gets to me. Besides I've done Mime in the CAP (Creative Arts Programme) before, so it's kind of second nature to me to pull an imaginary stick out of an imaginary bag and jab someone in the ribs with it, considering I did a full 20+ hours of Mime back in June. All that they taught today I've pretty much mastered, but of course rather rusty after 4 months of quiescence. I still remember those isolations and the invisible wall trick though. I did isolations pretty well. And the one imitating a person walking with pressure shoes. Like how one'd walk on the moon. Something like that. Conclusion - Mime is fun. Mime has always been fun. :) Their re-enactment of the risible Jack and the Beanstalk comedy-nursery tale was rather... (okay,never mind.)

Sigh. SIGH. I have this ominous feeling report books will be retunred tomorrow. Which spells DISASTER. All my results are erratic.

Let's see. SA2 - English - 84 A1
Higher Chinese - 60 B4 (I think; if I've remembered correctly)
Science - 80 A1
Mathematics - 55 C5
Geography - 48 D7 (what a friggin' letdown. Sigh. I was hoping I'd ace Humans)
(and I didn't pass Geography in spite of my begging Ms Soh Lay Na) :(
(Gone are the days when I could study the day before the Geography exam and
still score an A. I'll just have to mug like anything next year.)
History - 78 A1 (converted to 100)
German - 66 B3 (SIGH. Guess what Mr. GK got.)
English Literature - 75 A1
Appreciation of Chinese Culture (I flunked with flying colours. That's really all
you need to know. It won't appear in my report book 'cos of german anyway
so I saw no point in studying for it.)
Home Economics - 76 A1 (Biased Mdm. Tham actually was so altruistic as to
award me an A).
Visual Arts - 85 A1
Music - have no idea.
CME - A. (after I coloured my book carelessly, dotted it with ink.) *rolls eyes*
Anything else? Hm. Don't think so.

Yeah, my report card is going to stink. Like rotting fish. Which I'd like to DISPOSE OF. CAN I JUST GET RID OF MY GEOGRAPHY AND MATH AND HIGHER CHINESE GRADES. ARGH.
I feel like an idiot. Especially for Geography 'cos I have to bank on Humans (my math is hopeless. i'm hopeless at physics too.). Well thank goodness these grades aren't holding my future in their grasp, or I'd land up in the worst class (if there's any) in Chung Cheng High Main. Mathematics.. why can't I just get those concepts and formulas? I rack my brain but it doesn't seem to co-operate everytime, I can never make sense of those. Sigh. Math oh math. I must learn to embrace Math with a passion... (yeah, right). Exam results totally turn me off subjects. Sigh.

Never mind. I guess Chinese wasn't as bad considering I normally get C6. Improvement. But geog. and math.. sigh. don't want to brood on the bygones. Let bygones be bygones.

I shall quit rambling. Really. I'll end right here. 'Coz if I don't I'll end up typing the whole night.

Cheers to the last week of school. (Or sobs, IP-bound people).

As much as I proclaim I loathe the school, deep down inside - I realise that I do love it after all. I'm going to miss Chung Cheng High.

Kerry

2004-10-22T20:12:00.000+08:00

geez. GEEZ.

it's not as if we aren't trying...

that phrase keeps resounding in the depths of my short-term memory. yes, to wax lyrical on my msn sobriquet, i haven't stopped smiling since 12.55pm today. the corners of my mouth just curl up every time i recall that phrase. man, it's cheesy.

it seems as though my muse has deserted me yet again. blasted thing keeps absconding and jettisoning me, leaving me mired in the valleys of fury. and partial despair. hmph. great. how am i going to finish writing my novel now?! it's tentatively titled Invisible Ink. read, tentatively. i was contemplating naming it The Accidental Author, 'cos i love alliteration, but well. Decided to go for a less suggestive and banal title.

Sigh. This entry shall be a short one(hopefully) since I'm going to scoot off to catch the Singaporean franchise of that oh-so-famous (or infamous) television show on which contestants sing their hearts out, each harbouring a fleeting hope of making it big as Singapore's next superstar. Sadly, there probably isn't a large enough market for the singers. Look, Singapore produces a plethora of Chinese singers, but the most famous local English singer I can positively identify with is the homosexual (or so my brother claims) Dick Lee. that's it.

rip-roaring statistics, huh.

Oh yeah. I remember now. the dweeb Donkey (yay! another instance of alliteration) is heading for Murdoch College down under. I can NOT tolerate her animalistic behaviour any longer. This is the herd mentality that is just too common among Singaporean students. Never mind. No wonder we're labelled 'softies'. Sigh. I wish I could've left for the Interlochen Academy of the Arts in Michigan, the United States, but my mom expectedly launched into a jeremiad about how it wasn't safe. et cetera. you get the picture. my dad was all for it since he knows I'm an aspiring writer/journalist/philologist and Interlochen is the place to go for all that. Sigh. Maybe God had better plans. I trust in Him.

She inhaled deeply, taking in his perfumed odour, which seemed to pale in comparison to the hundreds of dollars she had spent on her own. He must have spent thousands, she settled happily as she caressed his neck with a carefully manicured finger. He sighed, taking it all in, then his appendages found their way to her neck, and they pressed down gently on the strap that if broken would reveal all. A pluck here, a quick tease in between, and her lips were there for the taking. Pursed, her luscious lips exuded a firmness he had never experienced before, and the moonlight seemed to dance as their tongues interlocked and fondled. Orally they aroused each other, before going commando. She was never a stickler for liberalism, and the conservative side of her melted into his strong embrace. It was as though his hands were all over - stroking her tresses, running the length of her back, playfully inciting a connection of passion. Carnal connection she had not witnessed in her lifetime, and was always reluctant to do so, fearing her parents' wrath, but this once, just this once, she let it go. Her eyes found themselves succumbing to love's anchor, being reeled in rather forcefully. He, sensing the essence of capitulation, pressed her to him, breathing down to her. She never knew breathing would bring about such stimulation, and in an instant she was all over him, sharing his gradual arousal. Cheek came into contact with cheek, and buttons flew in all directions. She was ready. After that painful divorce, this was nirvana. For the first time in a long while, she felt ready to satisfy a man again, and yes, gratify her own personal wants. The nymphomaniac in her would never let this man pass without a night of unbridled lovemaking.

okay, before anyone gets the wrong ideas. i think i'm having writer's block again so it might not come across as polished or smooth, so just pardon me. this is the product of an over active imaginationt too, and is ENTIRELY fictional. okay.

kerry

bibs.

2004-10-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

what a fruitful day. okay, this is the real me again. i admit i was a little upset over the matter of what i delineated in the last post, but i'm alright now. really. god helps people get over things. let's see. hmmm. i popped by suntec city today with yirui 'cos we were looking for the outsiders vcd. had lunch at delifrance, a few passerbys shot us looks of restrained bemusement but oh well. other than that. it was alright. let's just say it's not normal for a person to be seen with anyone else at this stage. guy-guy - gays. girl-girl - lesbians. girl-guy - boy-girl relationships.
seriously, is it a crime to be good friends with a guy?! this is incrimination! senseless incrimination. never mind. shan't comment on society's persistent foible. or you'll never hear the end of it.

yep. strolled around suntec city catching couples making out orally. saw two openly GAY couples. can't remember the details. at least five straight couples, some teenage, fondling and caressing each other in the public eye. ahem. one couples burst into oral copulation whilst riding the escalator. can you believe the power of impulsive love. what if they started arousing each other on the escalator. the guy'd press the emergency stop button and they'd start making out and the escalator repairmen'd hear groaning sounds all over. okay. never mind. please mind my occasional wild fantasies.

i guess we must've looked pretty odd. especially when we decided to browse mothercare (read: babies' clothes). inasmuch as there was NO ONE else in mothercare, we pretty much endured the brunt of their piercing stares and amused chortles. ugh. what's with this. we went around looking for baby stuff, i admit, NOT FOR PERSONAL USE. sheesh. in case one's cerebral matter starts to coil around the notion of pre-marital.. well. the baby paraphernalia, if i may term it that way, were kinda cute. make that very cute. but also very expensive. $39 bucks for a pair of baby shoes?! that's outrageously extorbitant. geez. in the end we settled on a bib. which was adorable. but set us 9 bucks back. bought a precious moments bag to conceal its very appealing appearance (seriously) and a gift card to go along with it. heheheh. i can't wait to get it to school tomorrow. someone is going to be surprised, i'm positive. pleasantly or not i don't know. hopefully the former.

after buying the bib, we shuffled around lazily from music shop to music shop. blue max? tower records? hmv? but there wasn't anything really interesting anyway. not at least for the artistes that i'm interested in, which i can count with my fingers, so go figure.

i think this post is digressing. but anyway. i hope that person appreciates the 11.50 we spent on that bib. it's silly y'know, actually. rather asinine if you ask me. fatuous gift. but then again. he asked for it. (not literally, colloquial expression). so there.

kerry

2004-10-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

guess what. i was originally apopletic because blogger decided to crash just as i finished my very long previous entry. so i lost it. and i was rambling about pretty meaningful stuff in it. but you know what. out of the blue, i just decided to check on one of my old haunts. a site detailing the struggle of a little girl against cancer. this girl from the US. she is (or was) 10 years old i think. rare form of cancer. got to know of it on one of the clay aiken message boards, 'cos she was a big fan of clay. and wow. i check it. and in the two short months i've been engrossed in my own habits and failing to update myself on her condition, she's... well, you know by now, gone to be with our Creator. guess it's a better place 'cos she was sufferin' down here. but i really admire her tenacity, and her spirit. yeah, i was vicariously living out her own expectation of life... but i never expected someone so young... well, all i can say is that it makes one's own mortality seem all the more brittle. oh my gosh. i'm still in a state of dazed disbelief. makes me want to go check on sean phillips, see if that little guy is doing okay. i'm really worried now.

the content of my previous unpublished post now seems inconsequential. erin, i know you're okay up there. dang, you get to see heaven. wow. i know it's not helping i'm trying to be light-hearted about this. well i guess you wouldn't have wanted anyone to be upset over this, so i'll try. just know that you've really touched me in ways too profound for the written word to express. thank you. clay would be proud of you too, for all the charities you raised funds for in his name. i bet god's praising you to high heaven now. well congrats on your ascension to eternal life, wait for all of us, it ain't fair you got there earlier, yea?

guess you might not remember me, but i'll definitely remember you, erin.

my gosh. i'm shaken. literally shaking. this is just shocking.

kerry

a prayer

2004-10-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,

it's not easy, I admit. But I know you put me through all these trials for a reason. A blessing in disguise i'd call it. oh well. lord, i readily accept this, but it's not going to be easy. i know you'll help me through this, however, in your perfect timing. let me be strong, give me the courage and serenity in the face of adversity, give me the gift of silence and introspection. help me react to criticism the way i'd like, not by impugning myself with doubt. let me believe in myself, in me. in who i am, what i do and how i'd like to go about doing things. let me not listen to those distracting chants that try to veer me off course. i know, i can do all things in your name.

Lord, i really need you now.

In Jesus's most precious name, Amen.

ramblings

2004-10-08T18:15:00.000+08:00

Give me the beat boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll

and Drift Away...

Yeah, I am officially 'high' today. Maybe it's denial, but hey - the Geography paper's at fault. Man, I'll be lucky if I get a B3. Section A was alright. Pretty much straightforward. Section B sucked 'coz I forgot my map reading techniques. I think I'll get a 4/10 for that section. 6, if i'm lucky, which, mind you, isn't at all good for map-reading. Like I insinuated, Geography was bad. EGREGIOUS thing. It's strange how one paper can kill off interest in a subject. Lol. I used to like Math till algebra came along. To this day, I still can't figure how algebra relates to our daily lives. Sigh.

English was so-so, as usual. Not essentially a difficult paper, but not the easiest either. A few comprehension questions were rather misleading, i.e the answers were not exactly obvious even after careful consideration, but well, comprehension is my weak link in English. I admit, with alacrity, that my comprehension leaves much to be desired. Seriously. I can't call this mel culpa, since this isn't personal enough. Oh well.

It's been quite emotional, really. These past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. Every day is tinged with a certain sense of sadness, it's all too bittersweet. Yeah, you're leaving to bask in a new horizon, leaving behind those you've come to love. Even the school. Yes, I didn't like it at first, loathed it even, but time changes people. I'll miss hurrying down for assembly every day, risking Mr. Soon's wrath. Or Mr. Yue's soporific lectures about 'striving for the best'. The sweltering heat at assembly

And the teachers.

Next year, there'll be no more of Mr. Moses Teh, our eccentric Geography teacher, and his 'whooshes', 'she bangs', and more. Truly, I've never had that much fun in Geography before. He's fun to be taught by. Mdm. Tan Say Hoe won't be around and that's a relief, but oh well. It's also kinda sad that I won't have to rush my CME workbook any more. Like they say (or is it my eponymous quote?) - denial is the first sign of acceptance. Sigh. No more 'chib quiet'-s. No more of Tweety's inane chirps.

No more bouncing fishballs!! Mr. Lee Er Ker, our beloved English literature teacher. Thank you for making Literature so enriching, and for all your life lessons in Literature. Sigh. If I'm not wrong, I'll be taking the Integrated Language Arts next year, which is English and Literature fused together. Should be interesting. Speaking of English, I'm going to whinge. I won't get to book people for speaking Chinese during English any more! Sigh. Mr. Tan King Ming's english lessons are always intriguing. I'll never forget him 'cos he gave me the highest marks I've had for composition ever since I left primary school.

Oh, and the english department of chung cheng high (main). I need to thank all of them personally for all their support over the course of these 2 years. My sojourn here may have been brief, but they've sure made it a memorable one. From encouraging me to enter any writing competition available to critiquing my essays - they've just been fantastic. I've had teachers from the EL department knowing who I am when I don't even know them. Whoa. Y'know, when they commend me on my essays, sometimes I wonder if I really deserve those compliments.

Hey, I'm still trying to overcome periodic spells of writer's block, which is when your literary syntax gets screwed up for no apparent reason and all and you start forgetting the rudiments of grammar, which may seem inexcusable. But come to think of it, what really is one's raison d'etre for writing? Nothing, really, unless you have the passion and determination to really sit and immerse yourself in a cornucopia of words. Plethora, Flotilla, Cornucopia. Yep, they all mean the same thing. Maybe I'll be a philologist when I grow up. I'm starting to love words more every day. Sometimes, when writers get writer's block, they just need a break. I know, I've pushed myself too hard sometimes, 'coz it gets hard trying to live up to everyone's expectations. I know not everything I write is golden, and yes, I will fall sometimes. I will stumble on those little rocks that are scattered along my path and fall. But I will pick myself up. And yes, to all who get all distressed over writing like me once in a while, it's alright to cry. Crying actually releases all those emotions that you've bottled up inside, and once you've cleared those, inspiration can flow. I've had those days I just sit staring at a piece of paper wondering what to write, and how to write. Yeah, I have my down days, just as everyone else. I bet all writers have had periods of depression, when they wonder if they can produce works of the same standard as their whilom pieces. Well, I've learned to loosen up a little. I used to push myself last year, but I know now that I wasn't ready yet. Sometimes, trying to speed your own progress up can prove costly. Thank goodness my linguistic flair is back. It still tries to abscond from my presence occasionally, but I'll grip hard, pray to God and never let it go. If by some fluke it does escape, then well, I'll take it as an ephemeral hiatus from writing.

Yeah, that's my adventure so far in this world of writing. When the pen meets paper. The Pen is mightier than the sword. EEW. okay. don't remind me of that incident in class. It's too salacious to be put in this post. ahh. oh never mind, it won't hurt. Basically Mr. Tan gave us this argumentative essay topic, the pen is mightier than the sword. And the quick-thinking Sean just had to, just HAD TO see the obscene link in it. Get it, the PEN IS mightier than the sword. Sigh. All credit to him for that. Kudos, I never saw that link. Not that I wanted to, or it'd signal that I've lost my control on the extent of my chimerical fantasies. Sheesh

Ah, I've digressed too far! Back to the english department, I owe them loads. For wholeheartedly supporting me in all my literary ventures, for helping me with my CAP stuff, to mrs hsu who even broached the idea of my applying for the Creative Arts Programme which I did eventually get into, for everything. Say, it's kinda weird when adults compliment you on your craft. Like when they say you can hold your own against the adult writers, like the VP Mr. Pek once told me, it's weird. You feel all funny at that split second. Then it starts to sink it, like wow, I'm good. Then you think, can I keep this up? Now that they think of me in this manner, if i don't win any more accolades, will they continue to think of me this way? No one wants to fade, seriously, you want to win all time. But it's simply not possible. No one is infallible, maybe except God. So yeah.

Anyhow.

I'm also going to miss all my friends. Conflicts aside, it's been a pretty good two years in CCH. I learnt so much about myself and how to cope in the real world. This brutish, harsh, draconian world. Geez.

Yeah, I know I ought to be studying. In fact, I am going to now. Not that it matters much anyway 'cos of the IP, but I know, I'm not going to be complacent just 'cos I'm going into the IP, but well, I wanna go out with a bang, meaning good results at least. I don't think I can find it in me to slacken for the exams, cos I'd feel guilty, and I'd probably flunk everything with flying colours. I hate poor grades so I guess that's why I'm studying. And TJC won't accept me if I fail anything so I'm going to study. Also, it wouldn't be fair to those who're staying, like we get to slacken and they have to slog. It ain't fair to them, so yeah. All us IP bound kids should still study, right guys?

I got my 'resignation letter' of sorts today. From TJC. Nah, my transfer form, actually. Heh. Mr. Yue's going to have a mental breakdown when he sees like what, 17-20 IP forms on his desk. Hahaha.

This is nuts. I'm aware I should go now since my piping hot dinner is out. Cheerio, I've become such a foodie. Gourmet delight.

Oh well. this post's been long. i shall post after the exams. so long, people. :)

Good luck for all the remaining papers!
Tells self : I can do it. I will study for Chinese.

Kerry.

eons and eons. yet again

2004-10-05T12:56:00.000+08:00

Again, that age-old cliche. I JUST LOVE THIS. For eons and eons this weblog has remained untouched, unadulterated by human paws. OH. Humans don't have paws. Wait, then that must mean you all are animals. ANIMALISTIC BRATS. hahaha. okay. Never mind. I don't want to offend anyone here.

Let me report on my present situation, seeing that I won't get to in the immediate future as exams, yet again, descend upon all. No one is exempt, I must reiterate. What the freak. Anyway. Dear Xiang Rui is playing Colours of the Wind next to me, along with Kelly Koh. It sounds acoustic. Whatever. Like some weird recorder. Then we have Christal who's staring at my typing. Hmm. and she's doing something on Flash...
What a beautiful day. Everyone seems so relaxed it's surreal. Hello. The exams are around the corner and everyone seems so casual about the whole thing... 2 Courage '04 really knows how to cut it slack... hahaha.

We had paramedics in class today. Halfway during Math class Mdm Toh is precipitously interrupted by a gang of weirdos who burst in with all the medical equipment imaginable. Like. CRAZY. Then Mr. tan appears out of nowhere. I didn't know teachers could evaporate and condense themselves.. true evanescence. Bona Fide evanescence, I say. Whoa, cool. In finality the ambulance came for nothing since Sean insisted on not going to the hospital anyway.. he tore his ligament or something? Or a nerve. Hmm. Food for thought.

We're in the computer lab now. Thinking about today gets me all agitated. If Bi Ran reads this - my dear junior, you are so dead. Please prepare to get annihilated at the next training session 'coz i DON'T have any platonic relationships going on, to put it in a more formal way. Geez. This is asinine.

Sigh. I have nothing more to see. This is nuts. Oh and I miss Dwayne. Sigh. I wanna go stalk him or whatever. I am insanely jealous of whoever knows him well. SIGH. I hate this. I never thought i'd like someone from Singapore Idol.

AND you know what? As mentioned earlier in this post, CHRISTAL is looking at me again. Is she deranged or what. YOU KNOW. she skipped 2 pages in my autograph book and she's still acting innocent. TSKTSK.

Sigh, who goeth here? Who soundeth thy bell? Who rings the bells of innocence?

Reminds me of a very nonsensical phrase I made up not too long ago to taunt some people. Heh.

The flowers of innocence have wilted; chastity has been violated yet again.

Just pardon me. i am prone to these things. :)

P.S Good luck to all who're facing the dreaded prospect of exams! Hang in there!

Till the exams are over, Kerry.

dwayne!

2004-09-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

heh. i only have like, what, 5 mins to post 'coz my dad will come out and holler at me any moment so yes. Dwayne emailed me back. yay. am i supposed to be happy or what. anyway. i think it's darn unfair he didn't get to the wildcard. he can sing better than a whole lot of other contestants there, especially the male ones. Oh and if you read 8 days you'll realize dick lee told him to get out of the audition room. see. plain mean. they don't know how to be tactful, those vermins. (my favourite word right now.) don't have much time now, will edit this when i can but for now here's his reply . i'm not posting what I wrote to him, it sounds stupid. like i'm some compulsive stalker, which i'm not by the way. but you gotta admit he's cute *gushes*...

Hi Kerry,

It's really nice of you to look me up on the net and write to me. I'm verytouched by the emails I've been getting actually. And thank you for joiningmy yahoogroup. If you read some of the previous posts you might learn a bitabout being in the arts scene, etc.. And feel free to ask me questions too.It's sweet of you to encourage me. Sometimes I need that. But I'm not easilydiscouraged not to worry. =) I've been working in the scene for 5 years nowand counting. And rejection and criticism is part of it. If you let it eatyou up, then you're definitely not going to grow as a performer. =) And if Ireally was that lousy, I wouldn't have been able to survive being aperformer for 5 years now would I?Yes I do know Dick personally. I've worked for him in two of his musicals.=) Fingers crossed for Wildcard.

Cheers,Dwayne

aww isn't that just the sweetest thing? look at all those smileys! ahh. leave me to float on cloud nine. earth to kerry.. hm, one more thing, this was before the wildcard =( . yeah. poor guy. dwayne, if you're reading this, it's okay! i think you're a lot better than most of the male contestants, if not all anyway. even dick said you were really talented and that's saying something. brush up on the attitude though, dwayne. i'm sure you'll make it big. we're all waiting to see you on incredible tales! haha.

kerry

Kerry rants through another...

2004-09-01T15:45:00.000+08:00

Hi all, my name's Fern and I'm posting on Kerry's behalf because she was forced off the computer. Also, she didn't have time. I don't really know what she wants me to expand on so I'll probably make this entry short. She has a few nicknames for me, one of which is Donkey, because...I don't really know actually. And uhh...she wants me to promote my blog...but uh uh...no way. No thank you, I don't really feel like letting the whole world see what I put inside. My blog was set up with the intention of penning my feelings down and letting my friends see them. ONLY.

After watching Singapore Idol, Kerry says that Dwayne Tan is so darn cute! She wants him back on SI. Also, Ben Eio has a baby face. I don't know about that cuz I haven't been watching. I wanna watch!!! Sadly, being in JC just sucks away all my time. =(

The table tennis team, Lee Wung Yew (shooter) and Stanley Tan (sailing) came back from the Athens Olympics today morning. Li Jia Wei was greeted by about 150 fans, some of whom had camped overnight. Ronald Susilo, badminton player and Jia Wei's boyfriend, was there to pick her up as well. According to CNA, he proposed to her. Oh my god! =) We're so glad for them. Here's wishing Ronald and Jia Wei health, happiness and hope. (Kerry, find the last 3 words a tad familiar?) However, Ronald didn't propose at the airport. What a letdown.

Well, I don't really know what Kerry wants to say because those lines above were her gist of what she wanted this entry to be. She wanted me to promote my blog shamelessly haha...but I think I won't. I'm a little short on cerebral fluid at the moment. I'm too tired, having come back from a physically and mentally draining student leaders camp from Friday through Sunday. Couple that with a long long day in school on Monday and you get a super tired Donkey. Today was still ok because there were no lessons but I have been basically functioning on adrenaline for the past few days so I need my sleep. Goodnight all. Goodnight Cherry (aka Kerry)

Fern

matrimony!

2004-09-01T15:10:00.000+08:00

hmmm. hey everyone. (okay, that was a tad puerile)

i'm at Samuela's house now. waiting for our blueberry cheesecake to form from a lump of cheese mixture currently baking in the oven. OUR CHEESECAKE WILL BE THE BEST. 'coz we made it. heh. any takers? It's for our Home Econs project. Anyhow.

My previous post was done by Donkey, a.k.a Sook Fern. Thanks donkey! (my pet name for her, just as she christens me Cherry - for very obvious reasons. And no, if you're thinking red cheeks, I'm not chubby or corpulent or whatever.) Three cheers for donkey! Anyway, to expand on my previous post. Dwayne Tan isn't a heartthrob, but he's a lot like Clay Aiken. Geeky, but adorable. CUTE. In this sense, cute - ugly but adorable. Umm. A bit of an oxymoron here.

Samuela is staring at me now. Making me feel uneasy. Heh. Somehow I always seem to sense it when someone's staring at me. It's an innate feeling. Hmmm. *muses*.

Back to my follow-up. Susilo and Jiawei are tying the knot. Matrimony! *reminisces about a certain art play* Congratulations people. Guess they make the picture perfect sports couple, but oh well. I still bemoan not going to the airport to mingle with the crowd and get autographs but oh well. Guess one can always stalk the two lovebirds if one's desperate. Cure me of the affliction, please. Susilo looks less than the paragon of pulchritude with those protuberant teeth. Eeks. I still wish they'd whispered their 'I dos' in the very romantic atmosphere of the airport. Sigh. It would've been quite a sight. Heh. I'm a sucker for sentimentality. I might have wept. Or not. Okay, Kerry doesn't cry at these sob scenes, contrary to popular belief. If my eyes haven't already failed me I should be correct with this recount of the newspaper article which quoted Susilo as saying she 'scolded something in Chinese' when she found the boxes were empty. Hmmm. Talk about a prelude to suspense and anticipation. LETDOWN. hahahahahaaa. A guy shouldn't be playing the fool with this kind of life-affirming event. Ah. But I reckon the media shouldn't inundate them with the hype that was Team Singapore's milieu at the Olympic Games. Too much pressure can inadvertently create a ton of unwanted stress and of course, the onerous task of clinching a medal for the waiting nation. What sorrow it must have been. Oh so close, yet so far fetched.

Oh well. What's done is dead and gone. Singapore sports must start afresh. Especially Swimming. You guys, we didn't expect much of y'all, but breaking a few personal bests would've been so vainglorious for us, if scant consolation at our dearth of medals. Our sprinter, too, thank gosh he didn't finish last. 2nd last, to be precise, but oh well. Spare us the ignominy of watching our sprinter finish last a la most of the swimmers. Sigh. There's still hope. I've done the math (though it isn't very good in reality, this should suffice to prove my competence in basic calculations and logical deductions) - When Beijing 2008 rolls around and the glamourous facades of the Chinese culture descend upon the world and take it's imagination hostage, lovebirds Ronald Susilo and Li Jiawei will be ... 29 and 27 respectively. Not too late to wrest glory from their younger counterparts. Age isn't a barrier, actually. Mental acuity can more than compensate for aging legs, as Alan Shearer of Newcastle United will testify. There's life in those limbs yet. Our swimmers will be... in their late and early twenties? How's that for a parting shot at glory. And maybe, just maybe, Lee Wung Yew will pick himself up (the MOE should fund him! he's a teacher!) and dust the bad luck away. He could've gotten a medal in Athens, really. He was that close. Just that no one noticed him 'coz we were all besotted with Susilo's giant-killing acts. Okay, ACT. Just one. Hey, but it isn't everyday you beat the World No. 1. Well done, lad. Then hope that we have more talent emerging from the Sports School by then. Bowling isn't included in the Olympics, how depressing. Singapore'd stand a good chance if it was. There's no shortage of good bowlers like me in this little country. Okay, umm, I'm an amateur.. yeah. Cancel the good. Change it to mediocre. See the likes of Gina Lim (which my bowling seniors are all hopelessly and shamelessly infatuated with - Sports School Bowling Academy kid we saw at the national C division championships - we bowled next to the Sports school at the quartets. Sigh. Table Tennis and Badminton look promising. Oh, and salutations to Jing Junhong who's retired after her last Olympic outing for Singapore. She came so close, so close... just like Li Jiawei did. Oh well. History likes to repeat itself. Maybe God has better plans for them. And for Singapore sport. Here's wishing all our Olympians all the best!

sigh. everyone's changing. my primary school friends are all... i don't know, it's love love love and the like. Actually I don't even see the need to. Maybe till JC. Oh wait. Maybe if the TJC guys are cute i'll change my mind. heh. went back to the primary school after Teacher's Day in CCH. aww man. it's so emotional. Next year i'll have 3 schools to visit. No, 2, after CHIJTP and CCHMS. ALL THE TJC TEACHERS ARE OLD AND BALD. i don't know if i'll like them hahaha. and TJC doesn't have very many good looking guys. hmmmmm.

What more do I have to ramble about. Oh yes. Teacher's Day. It was pretty emotional, yeah, i could've cried. I mean, teachers wishing you well? That's moving enough for me. Sigh. I wonder what it'll be like next year. Oh and Mr. Yue didn't even know so many people were going to the IPs. Goodness. And HE calls himself principal. Apparently TJC and VJC have agreements with him not to take in more than 15 students each. No wonder so many were rejected... tsktsk...

Samuela : "It's true. Mr Yue sucks. He ruined our futures."

I hope he doesn't read this...

dots. I think that's enough for now. and DWAYNE TAN STILL IS CUTE. he had better make it through the wildcard. I'll never forgive the SI organizers if he doesn't. Okay, so I'm biased. But face it. HE'S CUTE. in a special sort of way. Sort of Clay Aiken-ish way. But he's a better choice 'coz he's local. Ben Eio isn't bad either. But Dwayne looks pathetic.. like a lost puppy.. and that's what's so endearing about him... ahhh *stares dreamily into space*

one more thing - to all teachers - past and present and possibly future? - HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! i'll miss my CCH teachers. *sob* *breaks down again and starts bawling like a baby*

this post has been extraordinarily long. heh. i hope your eyes are still alive. (it rhymes! writer's block is gone! *whoops* thanks for listening to my crap. balderdash to be exact.)

FINIFUGALITY. the word sums it all.

eons and eons

2004-08-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

I apologize. Sadly, there are only 24 precious hours in a day. Given the hectic life of Singaporean schoolkids, inasmuch as the homework piles up, one simply cannot make more pressing tasks such as homework just capitulate.

AH. okay. What I am most concerned with now. I just saw it on someone else's MSN sobriquet. Why is everyone going to TJC? ack!! Sigh. It has lost it's exclusivity, in a sense. But oh well. It's not that I don't want so many of my classmates there, just that it's a little weird. I mean, it WILL be weird. But it's good I guess. Familiarity aids expeditious assimilation into a spankin' new IP culture. Geez. One might ask if I regret turning the NJC English and Math admission tests down. Or if I'm shaking my head over the application to VJC that never materialised. To tell one the truth (and absolutely NO offence to NJC IP will-be bandwagon-hoppers and current hoppers, as I like to term them, please don't take umbrage at this, this statement alludes to a select few ONLY), I don't like some NJC-ians attitudes. Apparently other JCs feel the same i.e VJC. Checked their forums out. Some of the Year 1 IP students (i.e those in NJC's sec 3 thingy now) have attitudes that stink. I experienced it first hand when I went there for the General Ability Test. Goodness.For VJC... let's just say I don't see much in their curriculum. But just thinking about it gets me wondering what could have I been had I gone. Ah. I'm sorry Yirui. I really wanted to go. You'll be alone there, or will you? heh.

kay freak.my brother is pestering me to get off his laptop. FINE.

kerry

insightful

2004-07-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. it's been quite an eventful day today. face it, all my days are eventful.

my prayers were answered today.. trust in the Lord.. it's such a relief..

oh well. had debates today. motion - war is a necessary evil. we were the proposition. kinda tough actually, 'cos our motion didn't exactly favour us. never mind. we still emerged victorious. bonus - i was named best speaker. even though i didn't and still don't think i deserve that title. xiang rui did. all credit to him. or james choo. just that james's arguments are nonsensical whereas mine make a little more sense.

recently i've been thinking a lot. especially during lessons (that doesn't mean i don't pay attention) . is it going to be the same in temasek next year? i've been wandering around the school a lot, just admiring this school.. its pupils.. for what it is.. there's so much i want to do here.. so many people i'm going to miss.. in 7 weeks, chung cheng will be but a memory. a treasured one. i'm going to cherish my last few weeks here.

been ruminating loads about life too. maybe i'm depressed. i was last year, mildly i admit, over english. yes, english. there's pressure to perform in your pet subject, and sometimes it gets too much, with all the expectations of the english department on my shoulders... its almost like a burden... onerous actually, but i'm honoured to be carrying it.. its like the olympic torch... i enjoy writing and all, but i hate it when i'm under pressure to write and win accolades in competitions. that saps the very essence of literature. writing is meant to be enjoyed. of course, i still enjoy writing, but i think my style has changed. again. i'm a lachrymose teen, remember. i'm prone to teenage angst.

just found this rather insightful (qinyi, i took this off your blog, meant to copy it down in class today but was too engrossed in pondering the mistakes i made in the debate to listen)

as mr tan said, there is no perfect world, which means there is no perfect life, no perfect school, no perfect class and absolutely no perfect individuals.

which makes me feel incredibly guilty for how i jettison responsibility, whine about my life et al. i don't expect others to be perfect. neither do i expect the same of myself. cos i will never be. i can only hope to emulate God and portray myself in his image, but i will never be perfect. i shouldn't be thinking my life's screwed. it ain't perfect, it ain't pretty, but hey - there're people MUCH worse off than me... war refugees.. political unstability... come to think of it, i lead a rather blessed life, and yes, i'll learn to count my blessings everyday. been too ungrateful, too demanding, too exigent... its not good. perfect worlds don't exist. perfect beings don't exist. success, however realistic, is but ersatz. fallacious reality. we shouldn't be too disappointed if we fail. for what is the measure of success? personal gratification? material wealth? these questions will never find their answers. for those who seek them so, i pity them.

i don't know why i'm being so sententious today.. maybe cos i've been through a lot these past few weeks... experienced first-hand the brutalities of this world... now i know. i emphatise. don't think too lowly of yourself. have some self-esteem. don't think your life is screwed, cos it's not. even beggars have stuff to be happy about - god's gifts to them, however menial, in Nature - the azure sky, the chirping of birds, the altruism of strangers, the conflagrations of dawn. cheer up, be happy. cherish everyday as though it's your last.

i'm in this situation now. but i'm alright. though i know of a few people who aren't. whom are going through pretty tough periods now - hang in there, god will make a way.

loosen up, alright? just remember -

there is no perfect world. Utopia is but a fantasy.

very eventful day

2004-07-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

i am livid. please stay away. before the expletives come hurtling.

(okay that was histrionic. the veracious account's below)

scenario (a worst-case one) - it is photo-taking day. you are at PE while the rest of the classes line up in their formal uniforms and ties to take their pictorial mementos of a ear well spent. suddenly it dawns on you - you're in attire suited to vigorous exercise and the resultant excessive perspiration. informal. sweaty. putrescent. there you have it. the walking stink-bomb. worst of all, you apprehend with a pang that your form teacher isn't around. nowhere to be found. then you realize that he isn't even in school. now it's bad. very bad. why? photo-taking is routine in all schools. class and form teacher, occasionally assistant form teacher. Imagine taking a photo without your form teacher. the photo lands up in the school yearbook. several months later newbies are gawking and giggling over the pathetic class, teacher-less and decked in the unflattering array of Physical Ed. attire. oh my gosh. you feel your face burning as you stammer, "oh, our form teacher wasn't there that day" or "PE attire's trendy, don't you think?". but they fall for none. Instead it is continued, unabashed chatter about the class that bucked the trend by posing in PE attire.

I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME. argh. but it nearly did. today.

equation - we had photo taking but we didn't know about it. so there we were in PE attire looking really sartorially challenged. happily we thought we'd take the photos the next day. tomorrow. instead during pastoral care we get hauled to the concourse for photo taking. we protest. firstly we aren't in formal attire. secondly we stink like anything and our hair's ruffled and tousled and all. thirdly mr tan isn't here. a form teacher also consitutes a class. what the. they refute our statements. mock us. "their form teacher is part of their class" in mandarin. MOCKERY. IDIOTS. IMBECILES. UNWORTHY INGRATES. VERMINS.

ahh i feel so much better.

anyhow. he challenged us to see the principal. the stupid freak of nature. zhiying and a few others including me protested violently. (verbally). man zhiying i like your attitude. zhiying doesn't look the type but she's really fierce. stern in a way. haha. and the freaking guy. called the guys in our class 'bitches' in mandarin. like excuse me. please differentiate. gender-blind. he needs his eyes checked. very badly. oh and he needs his genitalia checked too. i suspect him of homosexuality. seriously. GAY. and that refers to um the touchy issue of homosexuality rather than one being happy..

so we were bullied into submission. what idiots. just out to antagonize us. i sent mr yue an email. you guys had better watch your backs. we're paying for this! we should just boycott their asinine photos. now we have to travel all the way to Yishun to take the photo on saturday. if tan's around. hopefully or we'll never get that photo taken. gawd. TEDIOUS. TIME CONSUMING. stupid freaks. we have our rights too. you guys stripped us of those. indecent barbarians.

i wanted to holler at him. let all those dormant german profanities out. but then again it would be deleterious to the nature i'm striving to uphold. trying to cut down on sarcasm et al. but this is a serious case. i nearly lost my self-control. kelly koo steph and all were spouting obscenities like there was no tomorrow. on the contrary while it may give one a frisson of relief in spewing those words, it ain't nice to hear it repeatedly. geez.

its kinda, no very late now. 1230 am. i should be in bed. my brother's friend eric is going back to australia tomorrow morn. i wanna follow him its darn unfair now i won't have the video game expert to play bubble bobble with me ( is that how it's spelt?) and reach level 100 and defeat the boss arghhh. darn it.

have to pray for a few people today. hmm. must learn to fast and pray diligently. so this caps a very intriguing and trying day. the trials and tribulations of secondary school life have made us tougher than what they'd expect. we didn't keel over and die at their feet (the photographers) and i'm proud of that. way to go people. we stood up for ourselves

thus caps a very eventful day.

kerry

this is the despondent me

2004-07-22T13:51:00.000+08:00

hell it's been so turbulent these days. firstly i haven't updated in ages and eons so i apologize. sigh. ummm. okay. to sam, shan and all the people in my art group, i apologise. really. i'm sorry for that attitude of mine. after some self-reflection i realize i was wrong. maybe i was a little too indolent. i'm sorry.

ahhh. this is so dejecting. what a horrible month. hmm. oh well. i'm going to TJC next year. i hope all the claims of temasek jc being a 'mugging' school aren't true. but i promise to be the most assiduous IP student ever. seriously.

typing this in the school library makes no sense at all. people are looking at me funny (maybe because i'm typing so fast and using proper english - which is rare since the people blogging around me are typing in sms language?) so i shall stop here. sigh. oh yes. sis you'll have to wait for your essay. commiserations go out to you. or to me. i have.. 2 articles to write for the school newsletter, 2 essays to finish for assorted writing competitions and a plethora of other trivialities to finish. hahaa.

kerry

to all the CAPers!

2004-07-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

lets see. i haven't been here in eons and eons. firstly - shout outs to all the CAPers! You guys rock (excuse the bad pun - man it's a CAP tradition). haha. anyhow. if i've missed anyone out, you're welcome to rant at me -

Ching - for utterly terrorizing me with your bra and butt fantasies, for the GORY horror stories, for EMBARRASSING ME when the KHALWAT PATROL intruded (and kinda saving our lives in the process, thanks :)) by yelling "her underwear's on the floor!" Del was so freaked out she didn't dare enter. hahaha. oh yeah ching, i think that article of clothing was a SOCK not my undies. ahem. *clears throat* For dozing off during lectures with me, for all the saucy tales about a certain workshop instructor (your idea not mine, goodness knows if you're still thinking about her) and chocolate-smeared butts. oh my gosh. this is R(A). oh wait. no one does it better than ching. i have NO RIGHT TO claim that this is. compared to what she spouts, it's nothing.

"Ting Ting" aka Teck Tee - umm, for giving ching extremely erotic nightmares which she had to blabber on to me for the remaining days. shall not comment further.

Yeow Boon - for reminding me when my cue came for Mime, for the rather salacious jokes and reassuring me that no one in Mime was mad at me for missing my cue during the rehearsals.

Brian Tan - for all the crap about the USA. let's see. the conservatives rule, okay? and all the idle talk about George Bush awaiting his impending departure of the US White House and what-not, for the extremely piquant relationship you associated Jason and I with - i'm not stupid. i found out. it was pretty obvious. - let me reiterate that we DID NOT know each other before CAP.

Clarissa - for all the squeals about anime (which i still don't get), incessant badgering of Ching that left me very bemused, thanks for the entertainment, haha. For laughing along at all my lame jokes. umm, for just sticking around and listening to my rambling about how much I loathe Chinese, for reading that science fiction story of mine and gasping in incredulity "why do you have to use such big words?!". oh yea. the word encapsulate. hahaha. i remember, even if it's very inconsequential.

-To the people who walked behind me after glass painting, who went "you know kerry fron that science fiction class? her writing's scary". i'm not sure if you guys meant figuratively or literally, but in any case, thanks for the compliment.-

Clarisse (please forgive me if i confuse your names) - for teaching me how to walk across the stage at the closing ceremony and bow properly. thanks! i would've screwed up otherwise.

Rui An - YOU! for telling me that i looked like a parrot, that i looked inane from every angle as a spastic computer smiley screensaver, and for all that laughing. ha ha ha.

PK - sorry yea? everyone calls you that so i have no idea what your real name is. umm, for putting up with my absent-mindedness during Mime rehearsals and humiliating yourself (sharing my plight).

the computer geek guy - ahhh. for not exaggerating your movements more, i applaud you.

Jason - for going on about gay guys(i didn't need that) during the group performances, for the night safari trail where we got LOST. hahaha. umm, for putting up with insults on my behalf (sorry), oh and being such a good actor (as seen in ms ho's class when someone was trying to act assiduous but wasn't.)

ahhh my sis is bugging me for the computer. shall add to the list. later.

german project

2004-06-20T14:55:00.000+08:00

don't call me for the next week. i won't be around. sigh. Creative arts programme camp. residential.

don't know what's with me nowadays. nearly broke down in training the other day. strange, i don't normally get emotional, but maybe it's 'cos i know i'm capable of so much more... like i've let everyone down. pressure. c division championships 3 weeks away. sigh. i'll buck up, guys. i promise i will.

typing this in a library. computer's down. going to reformat it soon. aud and cheryl discussing some german project. i'm waiting for miss prima donna yong zhi who's probably still mutilating the remmants of her lunch somewhere. and i'm waiting.

oh yes sis. it'll be awhile before i finish that story of yours. my commiseration, kay? *runs away*

to my dear sis.

2004-06-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

my long overdue composition. * as everyone can see, sis wants it. BADLY. *

disclaimer: this is COPYRIGHTED. all rights reserved.

The gale swept her auburn hair against her cheek, a mordant reminder of what she had set out to achieve, the bellicose one always spoiling for a fight. Except that today, that truculent nature was to be put to better use - the destruction of the foreigners invading her hometown of Pwyneth. She recalled how apopletic she had been when she got wind of the ominous news, for she had had a precognition for eons that one day, just one day, she would live to regret her festinate departure of her hometown in her quest to become the sword-wielding martial arts exponent her disciplinarian father had always envisaged his little girl to be. Her fist slammed on the table, she had fumed and vented her frustrations on that ramshackle old hut, which already testified to her prowess in uninhibited lashes upon its walls in her frequent fits of anger. That day, it could take no more, it's emaciated frame collapsing like rubber.

No prizes for guessing why, she had lamented.

Caressing a tuff of hay that remained, forlorn, she cradled it againt her cheek like a mother cuddling her baby, then genuflected upon one knee, sobbing a scant whisper of contrition at having to leave her beloved hut.

She picked up the tuffs of hay, then it hit her. Spurious in relation, yet ironic it was.

She was going to pick up the pieces yet again... this time of her life.

MORE TO COME SIS! I PROMISE. happy now?!

eventful day

2004-06-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

sigh.

it's been an eventful few days. there was the class chalet. look,i don't wanna start some tussle here again so i'm keeping my nose out of this. but sam.it's not your fault, okay? this is NO ONE'S fault. class effort, not individual effort. just bear in mind that God knows who's doing what, even if no one recognises or appreciates your slogging. (sorry if this adds fuel to the fire)

basically it was okay. just that i couldn't sleep properly. i'm still feeling the after effects.

geez.shall blather on about today.

hmm. training ended at 11.45. as usual. we played simulation singles.

i don't wanna be reminded of how i crashed. i'm seriously. going.to.have.to.buck.up. SOON. 1st game - 146 (my pride and joy, but it isn't that good anyhow) 2nd and 3rdgames- don't talk about it. sigh. if we don't perform.. dava will have yet another excuse to pull us outta class and lecture us.

hm. enough said. yea after training went to loiter around the ssc arcade. saw the transvestite again. man this is getting spooky. hahah. watched ickle nicola and roy battle it out. TRIED to beat sean at that puzzle bobble game. but failed. sigh. i need to hone my video game dexterity.

bought a ssc (again! haha) chicken pie for lunch. MOULDY. disgusting. now you know. NEVER.BUY.SSC.CHICKEN.PUFFS. transvestite kept staring at peacock and I as we ate. CREEPY. SHE'S SO GIVING ME THE SHIVERS. ohgosh.

went to parkway parade with roy. karen and peacock. went to pasta mania for lunch, since they hadn't had any. peacock and i shared chicken bolognse (what i ate before the hp movie the other day). ohwell. i have an inkling the pasta mania chefs at parkway ain't as good as that of cineleisure.

anyhow. ate. yakked away. new fact - roy doesn't eat peas. (wasteful). peas are NICE.
yea so he didn't want the food -complaining that it was too spicy (it wasn't)- and we delighted in dousing the spaghetti with tobasco sauce. salt. pepper. parmesan cheese. spices. et al. hey, it tasted good alright. save for the tobasco. i should've added ice in too. sigh.

yep. after lunch we wanted to go to the arcade. but guess what. no school uniforms.
AS IF the team jersey is a school uniform. what morons. but anyhow. we realized that ickle nicola was around the complex too and that he'd bought some tshirt from the night market(pasar malam)for 2.50. whoa. so karen wanted one too so she could enter the arcade premises. peacock and i.. we declined yea, seeing them humiliate themselves in those discoloured ersatz hard rock tee shirts.. i'd rather not have, anyway. geez.

so while the trio headed to the arcade. peacock and i wandered around the complex. went to MPH. watched the so-called live power rangers show. meet and GREET. YEAH RIGHT. we'd contemplated going down to shake their hands (?!) but oh well. stupid asses. we'd be nuts to do that. instead we waved to them. and they waved back!! that was humiliating. how ignominious. so we burst out in peals of laughter and the kids just stared open-mouthed in wide eyed incredulity. like how could we laugh at their idols?! omgosh.hahaha. that was sarcastic.

hmm..just received the NJC IP Invitation letter yesterday. they want me to sit for some general ability test. geez, i hope i do okay. for now it's BLISS. NJC shortlisted me outta hundreds of applicants. am i supposed to be honoured or what? hahahaaaa. okay i'll cut the sarcasm for now. have to mind my words. i love NJC. thanks for the chance, guys.

the highly anticipated scene 2

2004-06-03T20:01:00.000+08:00

pardon me, but let me maunder on about today.. i don't think i've been so humiliated in
public before... joanna lee and ai lin... you guys will be the death of me...

lets see. it all began with.. training. after training. me and ai lin went to accost coach.

us: "coach. could we ask of you a favour? we need recommendation letters for our IP applications."

coach: "but i don't see that level of commitment yet."

me *grits teeth* "but coach! its not like we haven't put in effort. and i think i've improved anyway!"

coach: "sure you have, but i want to see MORE."

yea so you know why coach exasperates me. gosh. i'm just going to have to buck up in training if i want that letter. sigh
yea. so after training and coach's mini-lecture, joanna, ai lin and I headed for parkway parade. walked around. but ya know, i don't have any sense of direction. led them to the food court. when we'd intended to go to mosburger.

found mosburger. sat down. ordered food. man, are they short of manpower at that outlet. they only had one teenage guy there. (no pun intended, hah)

food arrived. ate. i spat chicken out. joanna gets disgusted. spits water and ice at me. so we had this mini food fight. stole each other's fries. and everyone must've thought we were morons. oh well.

rushed back to school for the sickening sport psychology talk. we actually wanted to hail a green-coloured cab, but JOANNA thought it was someone else's. so we ended up taking a yellow one. the unfortunate lady whom we let in front of us to take the green cab ( we'd wanted her to take the yellow one) had to endure my yells and stuff 'cos i was screaming at the both of them. geez guys. we've given the school a bad name. and those two. tried to coerce me into tucking my shirt out. WHICH I WON'T PEOPLE. it looks so darn BARBARIC. how can you guys live with that.

hmm grace tan didn't show up for training today. she faces coach's chagrin tomorrow. hahahaaa i heard she was out with her ex at the premiere of the harrypotter movie, am i right grace. joanna looked so out of sorts today. maybe she missed grace. after all those two were calling each other all day. sigh. you guys. snap outta it already. homosexuality is a sin, alright? haha kidding 'kay but you two really arouse a load of suspicions everywhere.. unless grace stops thinking that tight shirts and bermudas are the height of fashion.. we're gonna continue with the heavy breathing issue aren't we people? hahahahaaaa grace if you ever read this. don't spam my board. it's a fact. facet of life. only this is an abnormal one.

sigh. hahahaa here's scene 2. i know a certain someone has been importuning me for the follow-up.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Disclaimer : i witnessed this myself. and so did the someone who's dying to read this. i don't want no spam on my board after this. lol.

P.S certain dialogues in this scene were partially made up. so yeah.

Scene 2.

A: You think we should try calling him now? after all i've gotta rush home soon, it's already 5.25...
B: Yea, i guess.. you have his number?
A: Nah, you think i would? you'd be more likely to.
B: Oh alright. we'll call him. when? now?
A: Did i ever tell you? i read this article on BBC which claimed that men are most likely to make love at 5.30. PM.
*both glance at clock*
A: *sly smile* the timing's just right. three minutes to go. let's give it a try.
B: why don't we call him now and see what happens? he might be in church for all you know.
A: *picks phone up and dials* no harm in trying.
-several rings later-
he's not picking up the phone!!
*catches A's eye, both break out in peals of raucous laughter*

B: *trying to stifle laughter* OH STOP IT! we'll try again at 5.35. Best not to interrupt if what we're thinking is true...

-5.35PM

A picks up the phone and dials yet again.

Meanwhile...

*cellphone rings,sending vibrations through the bed*

C: oh drat, is that my phone again? i'm sorry dear, i know it was just getting to the exciting part, i'll make it up to you later i promise.
D: no matter dear. *groans* okay, maybe it does matter. oh don't answer it please... i want you.. now... besides, don't you want a little C or D tottering around the house in 9 months' time?
C: sure I do, but i've an obligation to pick my phone up..
D: as much as you have an obligation to fulfil this desire of ours... oh come on darling, surely you can call whoever it is back later, can't you?
C: I guess. *covers blanket again*

phone rings incessantly.

C: I told you! darn. whoever it is certainly wants me bad.
D: Not as much as I do.
C: and me too. you've never looked as ravishing as you do tonight, dear. i sure do feel the love tonight. maybe.. it's just the way you look tonight...
D: i know you're musically inclined, but enough of those songs already! as if you haven't had enough of that asinine korean song...
C: i know.

*CENSORED! FOR OBVIOUS REASONS*

- actually it was more of kissing. but oh well. just to expel any R (A) thoughts. it's censored. hahahahaaaa i don't dare and don't wanna think of the subsequent risque romp. gosh.

-continued-

C picks the phone up.

C *sounding rather annoyed* yes?

______________________________________________________________________________________

enough!! i'm disgusted. i didn't know i had it in me to pen those revolting lines down. argh. i feel sick. seriously. i'll leave you guys to digest this. comments please! i know my play writing skills aren't that good yet. haha

kerry

haven't been here in awhile

2004-06-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

sigh. so much has happened. i guess i'll just update while i ponder over the next scene of the love story. i just got more inspiration during the debrief in class today. YIRUI. you should seriously stop quoting scene 1. ENOUGH! do you know how embarrassing it was? gosh. hahaha. received my math and english grades today. goodnews and not-so-good (egregious, actually) news.face it. c5 for math. a1 for english. my grades... a scholastic yo-yo.

hmm.. let's see. saturday. attended some CAP briefing at the MOE campus. if the lectures are going to be this boring, i don't wanna go for the seminars. sigh. and guess what. i'm rooming with someone i don't even know. i'll never understand the rationale behind their allocation of hostel rooms. darn it. and yeah. i'm taking Mime in addition to all the writing i'll be doing. anyone wants to come watch me on the final day? i'll be performing. haha. humiliating myself. it's gonna be so ignominious. oh and those people will have to come on the 21st as well, the first day. i'll be there don't worry. there's some science fiction writing seminar conducted by this renowned science fiction writer. elizabeth maslen i heard.

went bowling yesterday. DONKEY IF YOU'RE READING THIS I NEED HELP!! i don't know why. i can't hook properly. maybe it's because the lane conditions at SGCC suck. the oil dries up too fast. either that, or i've lost my free pendulum swing. gosh. nationals are but a month away. maybe i should get myself a coach. oh wait. i already have one. sigh

i'm becoming absent-minded. not to mention clumsy. i knocked over this whole stand of toothbrushes at the 7 11 stores just now. and to top it all off. i went "oh FICKEN" which um, means to make love the way animals do in german. the caucasians in the store were looking at me funny. i suspect they understood my visceral response. oh well. human nature.

SEE I'M RAMBLING! OH GOSH. i shall post scene 2 in another post. this is getting way too long.

kerry

Scene 1

2004-05-28T21:44:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: the play that is about to be narrated was coined based on actual events
witnessed by a select few.

Scene 1.

"oh darling. i miss you so much".
*car window recedes*
"don't.. not now.. it's not the time.. honey please don't.."
"i can't.. i can't control myself.. i love you. i will always love you.. i'm sorry for the past few days.."
"i never blamed you.. it's your life. i'm just blessed to have such a capable husband.."

Amidst the serenity of the carpark, a silhouette of two faces begins to form, interlocked.

"you'd better go.. they're calling for you.. remember how much i love you, darling. i'll be waiting..."
"parting.. is such sweet sorrow.. i'll see you soon.."

*reminisces about the beautiful countryside of england*

____________________________________________________________________________

alright guys, that's enough for today. you guys haven't seen the worst of it yet. *smiles insidiously*. oh well. let's see. literature yesterday, was pretty much alright... wrote till my hands ached.. they still do... i regurgitated about everything..

oh enough! and i vandalised my chinese literature OMS. seriously. oh i love graffiti.

hm. let's talk about today. i got my chinese paper1 results back. anyone wants to hazard a guess? i surmise i'm just blithely that i didn't fail. 58.. upon 90.

i need to pass chinese. no, i MUST.

gosh what i am maundering on about? i've gone half crazed, darn it. there's the CAP seminar tomorrow. wow. it's gonna be packed tomorrow. TJC's IP open house. CAP seminar. sighsighsigh.

enough balderdash for today. will post more of the blossomin' love story tomorrow.

BY THE WAY, jake - sorry for freaking you out with the samuel incident. it's none other than my idle friend who indubitably has NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

I WILL PUNK YOU ONE DAY NERISSA ASSUDANI! *grits teeth*

ecstasy

2004-05-26T17:21:00.000+08:00

let's see. hm i'm zonked. my cerebral matter has been extirpated. this post is living proof of that.

oh well.

round-up of all the papers. (opinionated, no one take umbrage here)
on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the easiest.

english. - my pet subject. oh well. it was pretty okay. 2
mathematics - not my favourite, but a must-do. gosh. paper 1 - killer. 7
geography - not my favourite either, but a subject i do pretty well in. the structured
questions with the tree diagram - what a joke, lol. acid rain? 4.5
science - aw man, my bogey subject. geez. but it was okay. i daresay i studied pretty
hard for this. i want to excel in science... i like science. but not physics.
i'll give this a 4.
higher chinese - i never did like chinese. i don't think i will. especially after this
paper. i'll do well to get 65 for the overall score of paper 1 and 2.
let's see. 7
history - i think i must have been writing a thesis. and there wasn't enough time. sigh.
i did churn 7 and a half pages out. my hand hurts. ack. for the first time
this year, i find history bearable. and astonishingly homespun. yea? i see
one's jaw dropping in incredulity. don't get me wrong, i love history, but...
ah enough maundering on about history. a 3.

english literature tomorrow. i'm gonna read macbeth again later and make a few notes.
who cares about acc? goodness. who in their sane mind would study. lol.

enough is enough. there's the finale of american idol 3 tonight. should i or shouldn't i? resist temptation kerry. resist it. ah.

the sinner and the saint that fight the battle within.

dearth in inspiration.

2004-05-22T16:34:00.000+08:00

right. i feel guilty about spending 2 hours designing some surreal online diary when i should be finishing my english paper. argh.